In Sunshine or In Shadow ✔ [Completed]

Chapter 18 - Still See the Cracks

It had been a couple of weeks since Vansh and Riddhima had started trying to expand their relationship and so far they had gotten no where. She'd tried everything, but still she couldn't stop equating sex with Vansh with her rape. She knew it wasn't the same thing, she knew she trusted Vansh, if only the rest of her would get on board with that.

What made it all worse was Vansh himself. He was so patient, so understanding. He never griped or pointed out her problems. He would offer other things to do instead, such as watching a movie in bed. It was all nice but in the back of her mind there was that fear. What if she was never ready? What if this all unraveled because she couldn't get over this problem?

She needed to talk to someone.

Nancy was the obvious choice, but her therapist also wasn't aware of her relationship with Vansh. For some reason Riddhima had kept that a secret. There was some guilt in that, but Riddhima suspected Nancy wouldn't think it was a good idea. She didn't want to worry about what her therapist thought, she just wanted to be happy with Vansh.

That left her with only one person to talk to: Sara. Sure, she hadn't been in this situation, but it had been similar. She'd been hurt by a man and unable to trust men again for a long time. Out of everyone in her life, she would have the most helpful advice.

So Riddhima asked Sara to have lunch with her and took her to a little café just down the street of the CBI. It wasn't unusual for them to have lunch together. Ever since their talk several months ago, the two of them had been working to repair their friendship. They were pretty much back in the same place they were before the rape.

They went through the proverbial chitchat about family, gossip at work and their latest case now at trial. Then Riddhima decided to steer onto the subject. "So, have you been seeing anyone?"

Sara shook her head over her salad. "I went on a blind date a couple of weeks ago, but it didn't work out."

"That's too bad," Riddhima said. She noticed Sara didn't ask about her own love life, for which she was grateful. She didn't want to lie and say there wasn't one.

"There's, uh, something I wanted to ask you." She cleared her throat, as if that would make this less awkward. "How-how long after Aryan, did you...did you...trust men again?"

Sara showed her surprise at the question. "Wow, uh, I didn't expect that. Why do you want to know?"

"Because I'd like to be in a serious relationship again," Riddhima said, leaving out the fact that she already was, "but the...intimacy that goes with it, I don't know when I'll be ready for that."

"You mean sex," Sara said.

"Yeah."

"Well...I can't say for sure," she admitted, "I mean, Aryan never raped me, but I did find it difficult to let myself get close with anyone. In fact, I haven't really had a serious relationship since."

"Really?" Riddhima gazed at her with hopelessness. If Sara hadn't managed to get serious with a guy, how could she?

"But it's not because of that," she said, "It's just I haven't found anyone I really liked."

"So you're saying you could?"

Sara nodded. "I've gone out, had some fun. It's not that I don't trust men anymore, it's just I haven't found the one I want to be serious with yet."

"Okay," Riddhima said, hope renewed a bit, "How long did it take for you to get there?"

"To be honest...a while. I had to admit to myself that not every guy is like Aryan and that I hadn't done anything wrong in trusting him, it was him who betrayed me."