Acura Saint has always felt like she was damaged, through all the things she's been through and all the trauma she tries to keep locked away. Falling in love is the last thing she wants to think about.
She can't love another when she can't stand to...
Despite my progress with Xaria, getting back to talking to Aries, Kavion, and my sister. Winter break was over in two weeks, and Emani would be leaving, I would have to see my old friends, Adonis, and there would be no Aries and Xaria.
That scared me a lot, and I caught myself thinking about it a lot. I would just lay in my bed, staring at my ceiling, the filter from my fish tank humming in the corner.
And when I couldn't stop my mind from racing or getting stuck on a thought, a memory played on a loop in my head.
I found myself thinking back to when I was a kid, back at my aunt's house with my cousin and it made me not want to hang out with Xaria. Because the thought of being with a girl made me think about what my cousin did to me.
I'd just cry because I couldn't get it out of my head until I grabbed the blade and held it against my skin. I finally got some release because I was able to focus on the pain.
I hadn't taken a shower since Christmas, today is New Year's eve, but it's 4:39 am, and I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep since I left Xaria's house. So I'm lying in my bed watching the perks of being a wallflower for the fourth time in the past 24 hours.
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I didn't remember falling asleep, but now I was being shaken awake by someone. My face was wet and I couldn't catch my breath. When I finally opened my eyes they landed on Emani.
"Acura, are you okay?" She stopped shaking me once I opened my eyes.
"Y-yea, just a bad dream I guess. I can't even re-remember it." That was a lie, but she believed me as I wiped my face.
"It's like 6 though, I'm leaving to go out with my friends soon, do you want to come?" She asked me as I sat up.
"No, I-I'm alright." Nodding she got up and left my room closing the door behind her.
After collecting myself for a bit, I closed my laptop and laid back down still exhausted. That's when my phone buzzed. I searched for it in my blankets for a couple of seconds until I picked it up.
Messages. Now. aries 💞👎🏽 ok, im outside
Clicking on the message thread I saw seven messages from the past couple of hours.
My parents aren't home; it's new years let's have some fun; just get out of the house; no one is really coming; I know you see this Acura; I won't hesitate to come over to your house because now I'm worried; Ok, I'm outside.
My eyes widened registering his last text. I heard the doorbell ring and Emani shout that she'll get it.
I hurried out of my bed and looked around, clothes were on the floor, empty and half-full water bottles, shoes, books, gum wrappers. I didn't have time to clean any of that shit.
Looking at myself in my mirror, I fixed my scarf that was half on, changed out of my pajama pants, and slid on some sweats. I grabbed a hoodie off the end of my bed not knowing if it was clean or dirty but it was better than nothing.
