LOTR/Hobbit Imagines

Fíli - Midamîn

Midamîn = my happy place

Fíli x OC Tullaina

*

The door opened with a loud croak, turning everyone's attention from their dinner towards the young Dwarf entering the small living room.

Blue eyes searched every face sitting around the table, looking for the one person they wanted to see, tired shoulders slumping even further when he couldn't spot them.

"Tullaina's not home yet?" Fíli asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Dís shook her head, the worry evident in her eyes although she tried to hide it. Thorin placed his hand on her shoulder, telling her it would be alright, but the encouraging smile Dís gave her brother in return didn't fool Fíli. He may still be a young Dwarf, barely in his seventies, but he was old enough to know what the lines around her mouth meant. He'd seen them countless times before, every time he and his brother got into trouble or were home late or when someone mentioned his father.

"We have to go out and look for her," Kíli said, getting up from his seat.

"Sit down, Kíli," Thorin spoke, his tone leaving no room for debate, "finish your soup."

"But it's already getting dark! It's not safe for her to be out there!"

"And not for you either. She'll come back when she's ready. She always does."

True, but she usually tells someone where she's going or takes Kíli with her, Fíli thought. She hadn't done either today.

Today marks twenty years since the horrible mine accident where Tullaina's parents lost their lives, along with too many other Dwarves. Tullaina had left around noon and she'd been visibly upset. Fíli and Kíli had shared meaningful looks but decided to give her space and talk to her when she returned. Kíli suggested taking her to the lower fields she loved so much and both brothers agreed it was a good way to try and cheer her up. But it was past dinner time now and she still hadn't returned.

Fíli took his usual place at the table and watched his mother and uncle eat their dinner in silence, his own meal left untouched. Kíli was staring at his empty plate, his thoughts no doubt on Tullaina...

She was strong, Fíli would never dare say otherwise, but he also remembered how she was in those first months after their passing. Her eyes had lost their warmth, the dull brown a reflection of the sadness inside. She barely ate any food, refusing all sweets and treats, mumbling something about being unworthy. She had lost her spark.

Kíli and her had been going on long walks to take her mind off things and to offer her a chance to talk in private. According to his brother, she never did.

When Kíli had to start training and school again, Tullaina went on those walks on her own and she gradually started to turn back into her old self.

Of course there were still days where she was quiet and closed off - they all had days like that, losing a parent does that to you - but they always found support and comfort in each other. Fíli was willing to do anything in his power to make her happy, if it meant he would never see her like in those first months again.

"Maybe Kíli and I could go look for her together, we only want to make sure she's alright," Fíli suggested, anxious to go and do something. He wasn't the type of Dwarf to just sit down and wait.

"Tullaina clearly wants to be alone, Fíli. We all process our grief in a different way, let us respect her wishes," Thorin answered, his expression soft and kind.

"She shouldn't be alone," Kíli muttered, picking at his fingernails, annoyed that he couldn't be there for her.

No, Fíli agreed, she shouldn't. He couldn't shake the image of her walking around in the dark with no destination in mind, just trying to find a way to get rid of the emptiness inside. Tullaina was fierce, she could definitely handle herself, but right now she was also vulnerable, consumed by her grief, an easy target for the dark figures that were looming around the village at night.