If I Didn't

5- Mitch

"Babe, you must be patient. Whatever Alex has to tell Scott, it's probably none of our business anyway," Kirstie said through the phone. She and I had actually been talking throughout the day, and she ended up bringing me food earlier.

Thank god for Kirstie.

And fuck you, cereal.

"I know, I know. I just...it's so hard living like this as it is. To throw more chaos into this..."

"You're jealous," she breathed over the phone. She had made the slight music from the background shut off. I made sure to sigh extra loud so she could hear me.

"Maybe I am. But it will never happen. Not with...him. There is just no hating Alex. He's an angel," I said, leaning back into the couch cushions in frustration.

Alex is nice, kindhearted, sweet, handsome, built, charming and hardworking. There is so much going for him. He was such a good guy. And he had great taste in boys. And Scott loves Alex. They love each other.

"What if Alex proposes? What will you do then?"

I chuckled at the thought. It was a haunting question.

"Um, duh. I'd pack up you and the girls and move to New York," I said. She laughed. Her laughter was so sweet. It really lightened the dark storm cloud that hovered over my head.

"But seriously though. What will you do?"

"He'd probably move in with Alex, and I find a handsome fella of my own to grind on when the pain washes in."

Silence on the other end. "Mitch..."

"If Scott were to marry someone else, he should be happy. I'm not gonna stop him. That doesn't mean that you won't find me wasting away at the same time." A stray tear escaped my eye. Soon would be more.

"I want to cry for you so you won't have to," she said quietly. "With everything going on and stuff, I wouldn't survive. You and Scott are together for everything tour related." I nodded. Hotel rooms, food, touring, stage directions.

Heck, we even like wearing the same colors for concerts.

More tears blurred my vision as the sudden knack for wine nipped at my throat. My head swooned just thinking about getting lost in it all.

"Kirstie, can I call you back? I...I need to be alone," I mumbled. She sniffled on the other line.

"Of course. Are you okay?"

"I'm alright. If I text you drunk later, I apologize in advance."

More silence. Then, an "Oh, Mitchie..." She sighed.

"Don't worry I'm not going out," I reassured her.

"Promise?"

"Yeah. Love ya," I said.

"Love you to."

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