If I Didn't

16- Scott

Plot development...oh gosh....

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"Hey, baby," Alex said over the phone the next day. I hadn't gotten out of bed since the night before, and I decided to call Alex to make me feel slightly better.

Mitch is my best friend. My roommate. Only that. But..I don't understand why he hurt me the way he did, and I let it.

"Hey, Al. What's up?"

"Nothing much..on my break from working the Starbucks counter. And I had a class earlier. What about you, love?" I heard chatter on his end. Must have been a busy shift.

As much as I wanted to tell him what was up, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I haven't left my bed since I woke up this morning. I need coffee and your cuddles," I mumbled, covering my eyes with my arm.

"Aw. Scotty...I have another shift after this..."

"I know you do. I just want you here. When will you be through?"

"Two hours. Oh...could you meet me at my house? There's something I kind of want to talk to you about.." He trailed off. I furrowed my eyebrows, frowning.

"About what, love? Are you upset with me..?" I asked. "I'll come over, but are you okay?"

"Of course I am. And you did nothing wrong. I want to talk to you about a good thing. Maybe. But I don't know how you're going to react."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. As long as you bring me coffee. And cuddles." He laughed.

"Of course. Anything for you."

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My head was going in circles. My face was hot. And my fists seemed to be locked in a clench.

"Alex! You can't just move across the country...why are you leaving me?"

"I'm not. I want you to...to come with me. I'm moving to New York to take a job but I don't want to leave you here, and long distance rarely works..."

"Everything I know is here in California, Alex. My Job, my band, my friends, my-"

"What about Mitch?" Alex asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I squinted at the ground. "What about him?"

"Scott...he makes me so uncomfortable. He's with you all the time."

"Because he's my friend, Alex. And my roommate."

"I know but even when we have dates and such. He's always a third wheel. And I don't want him around."

"Stop. He isn't a third wheel, Alex. It's not his fault that he wants to live in his own house." I stood up from his couch. He stood up as well and grabbed my wrist.

"Look, Scott..."

"No. I don't want to hear it. Don't bullshit me." The words sort of just slipped out, and my heart stung after saying them.

We both kind of just stood there for a little bit, staring at each other. His expression went from a wince to a frown. He looked like he was hesitating to do something.

"I guess we're done here, then," he said quietly, and I could tell he was fighting tears. I sighed, and shook my head.

"Ali..." Once again, I couldn't find words to say.

"Just leave me alone for a little while."

"Okay...you know where to find me..."

"When you're not alone." I turned to leave but stopped when he said that.

"It's almost like you don't trust me," I said quietly. "Almost like you can't understand that I'm yours. Maybe." I walked out the door, slamming it behind me.

My lungs felt like collapsing, as did my heart. Yet all I really needed was ice cream and Netflix to make me feel better.

Maybe ice cream can numb memories.

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