If I Didn't

12 -Scott

"Scott...come here please," Alex said from his couch. I bad been staring at my phone for an hour, and nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Why are you so distracted? Is there something better you could be doing than hanging out with your boyfriend?" I couldn't hide my annoyance as I slid the phone into my back pocket and sat down beside him. Alex put his hand on my leg.

"No. I just...I don't know. It's hard to explain," I answered. I saw Alex's face fall further.

"You can tell me."

"It's not easy to just blurt out. Give me some time and I promise you'll be the first to know," I said.

After taking Mitch 'out', Alex has been so freaking clingy, It's been about a week since then, and I've only stayed in my own bed like, twice. And even though I get texts from Mitch everyday, I always feel like I'm missing something.

"You're hiding something from me, Scott."

Is it so wrong to be thinking about something else? Well...it depends. But the thing is, I try to give Alex my undivided attention, and I get in trouble with everybody else I love, including Mitch. And what Alex doesn't understand, I have lots of other stuff to do, and I can't always drop everything and come running.

This morning, he had a problem at five a.m. and I had to come help him fix it. But right now, I'm so stressed out, I can't even focus.

"No...well, it's complicated. Just...I need a little bit of time to analyze it all."

"Scott...I'm your boyfriend. I'm made to help you with your problems."

"Alex. I told you that this is a problem that I need to solve by myself." I looked at him for the first time, and saw his hurt expression. "Don't be that way..."

"I just don't understand what I did wrong." I took his hands in mine and leaned in to kiss him slowly. I don't know if I did it just to make him feel better, or so I wouldn't have to talk to him anymore about the subject.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I swear it isn't you, darling. I think...I just need to be alone to think about it for a while. Okay?" He nodded, and smiled at me weakly.

"Okay..." He replied. I took it as my cue to leave. I gathered up my things quietly, with Alex not looking up once. I reached the door, and set my stuff by it. I walked back into the living room, and I pulled Alex up and off the couch by his arms.

"I will keep you updated. I promise."

"I...I believe you," he said back. I leaned in for another kiss, this time wrapping my arms around him.

"I love you," I said, my voice muffled.

"Love you to," he replied, pulling away with a smile that was slightly bigger than earlier.

And with that, I got in my car, and I drove home. And to my best friend. Because there has been things at the back of my mind; they're haunting me. And I have to tell somebody.

And right now...that somebody cannot be Alex.

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