Flames of a lie

Chapter 67

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"You are right. It's time for me to make a decision" I said in my distant voice. Erick nodded at me as if saying he was with me in this. I just gave him a faint smile as he stood up and ruffled my head. 

"Just listen to your heart and mind at the same time. Don't make any impulsive decisions" he said while looking at me and walked to his room giving me space to think not before I gave him a small nod. I kept sitting there thinking about everything. Everything started to run in my head. How I met him unexpectedly and after that everything kept on getting more and more messed up. How I have told a hundred lies until now to hide one truth. How has everything been screwed up since starting? But in all this, we still developed feelings for each other. He was a jerk to me every time but my stupid heart still managed to fall for him. First, his possessiveness over me and his dominance made me mad at him. I thought in the past he was trying to show his superiority over me but I think it was the opposite. It was his way of showing his changing feelings. How I slowly realised it. And after that, he confessed to me that he has feelings for me. Those words changed my whole life. 

Unknowingly I had fallen for him very badly. It was not going back for me from this point. It will shatter me but I can't see him in pain. His possessiveness, his touch, his nearness everything makes me go crazy even more now. He won't like it when he comes to know I'm a woman. I don't want to act selfishly anymore. What if he doesn't want me once he knows I'm a woman. What if he never wants to see my face ever again once I'm a woman. What if he sees me as a scammer or a gold digger who was using him to clear my debt? Will I be able to see that look in his eyes? Will I be able to live my life like that? Will I be able to live the rest of my life in the guilt of deceiving the person I fell in love with? He is my first and last love. I won't be able to survive with guilt. This thought made my heart race in a bad way? We were never meant to be together in the first place. You two don't have a comparison. He belongs to high society and you middle-class families who are trying to pay their debt to get their family restaurant back. My inner voice said, making me close my eyes shut and rest my head on the arm of the couch. My head was getting very heavy. 

A light throb started to develop in the middle of my forehead as I kept on thinking about everything. Everything kept on repeating in my head in a loop. The more the thoughts came into my mind the more my head hurt. I started massaging it with my fingers as the pain started to get out of control. I shifted a little bit on the couch to be in a more comfortable position. I need to sleep if I want this headache to stop. I tried to sleep but the thought processing in my head didn't stop. I need to stop thinking first if I want to sleep. I groan in annoyance, still keeping my eyes shut. I slept after struggling most of the night to get into sleep. But even when sleep came to my eyes I got nightmares of my truth getting revealed to him and him turning his back to me. That nightmare took away my sleep and spread an uneasy feeling in my chest. Erick woke me up in the morning. It looked like he came back from his jogging. 

"Good Morning," he said, looking down at me as I sat up. 

"Good morning," I said while sitting up and massaging my forehead. 

"You slept here," he asked while walking towards the kitchen. 

"Yeah, I fell asleep here," I said in my morning gorging voice. I closed my eyes again and kept massaging my forehead. He came back after a few minutes. 

"Here," he was standing in front of me with two mugs of coffee in his hands. 

"Thank you," I said while taking the mug from his hand. 

"Is it bad?" he asked me while pointing towards my hand which was still massaging my forehead to make this pain magically disappear. 

"God! I thought this headache will be gone once I sleep but it's still there," I said in an annoyed voice as I kept massaging my forehead. If I had a peaceful sleep, maybe it would have gone by then. But there is no peace in my life. I took a sip of hot coffee. Maybe this will make it go away. I felt a gaze on me as I kept frowning while sipping the coffee. It made me look up from the mug to see Erick looking at me with concerned eyes.