Last Moment (Huling Sandali) || SaintZee X ZeeNunew

EXTRA - Calum Journal Entry

I don't know what exact year was it, but by those years I came to realise that I'm being treated like a tool by my Omega Father, like... I exists to hold the person he love in one place — that Zeepruk Panich, who I thought growing up as my Alpha father. Well, I can't say if he's not really my father but my intuition says that I originally doesn't belong in this messed up family.

I grew up with my late Aunt and there, I met Miss Shelina. She's like an angel who keep me company once Aunt have patients. I also meet Dr. Callisto who was acquainted with my Aunt... My Grandmother often visits me so you can really say that I once lived on a very happy and warm environment. As far as I could remember, I'm quite close with those Bus drivers because since then, they always looked after me. For what reason? I really don't know, such that they are just too kind for me.

But not for long, my Aunt left this world... Grandma want to raise me but loses to the Panich family. Even until now, I don't know why or what reason why they took me away from the only person who cherish me from the very start of this life when they never treated me like a human being. Why I say so? Well, they can't and won't even look at me and ask if I'm still alive or I'm alright. I get it, My Grandma who raised me so lovingly with my late Aunt — she's an illegitimate mother... Should I say that? She's a former wife who became a mistress overnight. She never complains as long as she had her daughter.

As I lived with the Panich, I'm instructed to act like a dimwit of a brat who wanted all expensive things and wanted to have everything according to my will. I really need to do that so I could survive. Nunew always say nonsense things and told me to do nasty behaviour just to get Zee's attention. Yes, it sometimes went well but I'm not happy with it. Though sometimes, they gave me things that Nunew expected but I don't feel any slight of affection nor feelings from it, instead a distrust, discomfort and even disgust. Once the act failed, I've been bitten to pulp.

Mistreatment? Abuse? Depression? Large amount of Anxiety? I've got tons despite of my age. I really need to act accordingly so I could still see the sunrise the next day and to be reunited with my grandmother. If one day someone will say that I'm not really Nunew and Zee's son, well... I'll believe that and went straight outta here.

Not too long in years ago, I meet a couple. A warm couple during my hardest birthday. They suddenly appear in front of me and gave me the Stuff toy that's been with me for so long now. After that day, I can feel their presence watching over me. Some people called it stalking or whatsoever, but for me... It's companionship. I don't have anyone in my life since moving here so their presence became so very important to me. Not so long, I finally learned their names. Gulf Kanawut and Mew Suppasit. They are indeed warm couple who even treats me like their own child. If I could ever choose a parent, I'll choose this couple... Life would be best and warm.

I meet Kallistê Amithyst Suppapong and his father who's an Omega — Saint Suppapong... I heard that he was Zee's former best friend and was pregnant by him. So, in my calculations... Kallistê's Zee's daughter. No doubt, she had some part taken from Zee. I became close to her and she's my very first friend that I made that's same age as I am. She's so warm and lovely like how Miss Shelina was. Of course! Mr. Saint also does. I feel so warm and happy whenever I went outside but whenever I went home? I feel like suffocating.

I meet Sir Cain through Kallistê. He's Miss Shelina's husband-to-be if she didn't die. Yes, Miss Shelina's dead... Before Kallistê even born. Why do I meet lot of warm people when the society learn that I'm a trash and spoiled kind of shit? That's the image of me that Nunew show the society and Zee doesn't even cared a tiny bit. I actually thought that I'm just merely a tool to strengthen the shackles.

Am I even a Panich to begin with? Even Zee's parents doesn't care about me. What if I die? Will they even look at me? Will they even regret? Or does it still stays the same?

There are times that I fell asleep without eating because they forgot about me. There are even times that I wanted them to attend such awarding because I won a competition and even a time I wanted to show them my full mark grades. But not a single thing happens, they doesn't care and thinks that I'm a burden.

I endured all this time but I feel like my body's getting weaker and weaker. I wanted to have and do all the things I like, will that be possible? And with a selfish request, I wanted to be hugged by this family before my life runs out. Is it toxic? But I really want to feel at least once that I'm also an existence that deserves to be love and to be care of. I want to erase every single pain and suffering that I endured by a single warm hug and to hear such word that every child wants...

That I love you, I'm sorry and... You're important.