Why was I so hard to love?

Sorry

i didn't know that i hurt you
i didn't know i was that bad
til the moment you flew
and all i could do was be sad

i didn't had the chance to say sorry
i didn't know i was hurting you
til the moment your eyes filled with worry
and as you spoke, i didn't blew up

i stayed calm, i took a deep breath
even though all you said felt like a million bricks falling
all i felt was my brain commit a sudden death
and it prevented my eyes from bawling

i don't know if this was suicide or homicide
all i know is that the moment i began to remove the bricks
i could see all the marks inside
all the marks inside my heart
stinging like a population of ticks

the moment i realized you weren't coming back
the moment i realized i couldn't say anything else to you
because in that communication lack
from the moment you left
you found that missing puzzle piece
when i'm still the magnetic camp you attract

Polar opposites attract
that is why i'm still attached
but I realized this was all an act
and that's how you abruptly replaced me and detached

she doesn't seem like a polar opposite
so i wonder, how does this magnetic field work?
is it because her laughter made you feel like a kid?
this is a mystery i can't even define, and it leaves me feeling like a jerk

do her eyes look prettier when the sunlight
brightens her soft skin while you're diving?
i begin to wonder with a significant sight
and my heart begins to feel like it's dying

i don't know if you killed my heart
i don't know if you killed my brain
but i can't deny you're smart
because you tricked me and got me going through pain

every time i walk out and see you
taking her to the same place
the same place we grew
the same place we stopped using space
where our hearts became one instead of two
(i collapse)

all the late night drives
all the kisses and the broken promises
all the times we felt vibes
intense at the moment and in the end useless
do you do all that with this girl you find divine?

I wonder, are you ever going to leave her
shattered, guilt felt, empty and distrustful
and i question myself, should she be aware?
because you destroyed and shuffled
all the structured affection my heart continues to retain

i'm sorry i gave you all of me
all the broken pieces and the most beautiful ones
i'm sorry i let you play me
by the love you apparently would only feel once

now you probably have new jokes
the car rides are probably longer
and i feel like i'm going to choke
when i realize it's all over
and from the bottom of my heart i wonder
will you shatter her too?
will she stumble, will she stop being divine over
all the broken promises you drew?

i'm sorry that i wasn't perfect
i'm sorry that i lost myself over you
you made me feel like a defect
and that i'm hard to love
when in the end, i loved hard
and showed you all my scars
but you discard
all the late night rides while seeing flashing cars
while demonstrating you were the brightest light of all
and for you i would've died hard

i'm sorry that i'm so unstable
but in my stability i showed you
that my love was never unstable
but your love for me was never true

my last question for you is
am i really that hard to love?
when this was story of the birds and the bees
and i thought your love for me was beyond the above