Why was I so hard to love?

A heart turned into half

I only wanted you to say sorry
But I still did my part
Sadly i'm the one in worry
because you're okay even if you teared me apart

From your point of view
i'm a manipulative person
but your mind the good moments doesn't glue
and how my respect you owned

I cherished you so many times
but by one impulse
maybe two, you put vines
and my heart stopped it's pulse

I died for a moment
you left without a warning
without letting me vent
I miss how our relationship was warming

I miss you, sun
So intense and painful
but also bright like a lightbulb that's on
I feel like you weren't faithful
but I know nobody I own
and to you i was disrespectful

Sadly you will never admit
that you also wrecked me
but your mindset has "She is manipulative" in repeat
because i am mentally ill and you will always target me

I knew I was hard to love
By a boyfriend, a best friend, a stranger
but loosing her goes above
and this fills me more with sadness than anger

They all pointed me
manipulative, manipulative
but I didn't expect you to point me as well
It is still hard to believe

If you ever come back
I won't let you in
because you saw things white and black
all because you wanted to win

I love you but you never
held yourself accountable
I don't want to see you ever
because you left me and now i'm not available

I needed you
I may not be the best
but I tried to not hurt you
and that makes me not as worse
as you believe

You said you didn't want to do
amends at the moment
but I don't want to do amends ever
because i went alone through this stormy weather
and you cannot just come in whenever