Why was I so hard to love?

The balance

you're too quiet (they say)
(but also) woah, you're talking too much
you will say something you will regret
so please, just hush

You're too sad (they say)
(but then) hold your horses girlie
all those energies will do you bad
stay in your cage you little birdie

You're too calm, defend yourself (they also say)
(then) dude, you literally hurt me
you should be ashamed of yourself
thats why nobody lets you in

"you're so smart, you should start answering more"
(but) that's embarrassing, the way you said it wrong
At least the class ain't a bore
you stupid clown
you really thought you deserved a crown
but now your face just shows a frown
silly you, thinking these people would bow
And in the end a standing ovation you would have

Listening to people you do
and you heart will end up in half
like a bowl of boiling soup falling in you
All at once

The burn you will feel
The confusion will arise
that's why you gotta be real
and not follow their worthless advice

Mood swings are messy
I am like a light switch
And my lightbulb will blowup easy
If I let the mosquitoes itch

I cannot let them in
black is too dark
white is too bright
the balance i cannot find
and i feel the need to hide

My mind is trippy
it's wired like a time bomb
I just cannot see the time
and at any moment it will blowup

Listening to all these opinions
have led me to have a very bipolar mind
tears will fall like an onion cut
and coping mechanisms i won't find

The secret to life is balance
but how can i gain this
when my brain has too many thoughts at once
If i ever find this balance
my life will be a bliss
and for the first time out of happiness
I will bounce
without caring if the world is watching
or wishing me the worse
because my mind has already
reached the end
and the opinion of a bunch of people
won't make my mind bend once again