Why was I so hard to love?

reasons to love you

i loved how he was
i miss the jokes
i miss him listening to my voice messages
i miss the random facetime calls
my psychiatrist said i'm depressed
because I feel like I lost something
she told me to make a list of what you did that made me happy
so I can find a way to get it back
in another person or another source
I tried, but I simply can't
All i need is him
and that's something i can't get back
I know i don't own people
but damn
it hurts so much
i know you can't force anyone to stay and that's why i let you go
but I really wished you would've want to stay
i really wish things wouldn't had gone downhill
i wish we would've done that picnic we talked about
i wish we could've kissed for eternity
i wish i could've hugged you longer that last day i saw you
why wasn't i enough for you?
why was it so easy for you to let go?
I truly don't want to know because i'm a mess
and i really need to stop being so mean to myself
but i feel like i'm not enough to be loved forever
i wish i could feel happy right now
but i do not feel happy because i do not have you
i still hope someday you will comeback
but you won't
and i eventually will have to let go, even if i will never forget