Why was I so hard to love?

please

Listen to my scream
look deeply at my tears
an attention seeker i don't want to seem
but feeling all this pain alone fills me with fear

covering my face with a pillow
but also wanting you to listen
at the same time i don't want you to see the cracks below
and i'm scared you will not understand

I am drowning
so so deep
I am screaming
but I am too deep
and nobody is listening

I just want to remove all the noises
My mind cannot take all this mess
And everytime louder are the voices
I am afraid I will always be in distress

"Please heal my soul, I beg you"
he replies "only you can do that, my dear"
I say "What if my mending time is overdue?"
he responds "to heal all it takes is a couple of tears
I cannot be the one who rescues you
only you can get rid of those fears"