Why was I so hard to love?

The road

I can't breathe
I can't move
I wanna feel like a leaf
but i keep feeling very blue

My favorite color is blue
but why is that a homonym to my pain?
Is that the reason I still like you?
even if my eyes start to rain
when i think about you?

Is this feeling of desperation
the lack of time
or the desperate feeling of wanting a standing ovation
All i want is to be fine
And my life is filled with innovation

I live in fear
i wanna scream
but i don't want anyone to hear
because evil will come in
and good will disappear

My mind is a rollercoaster
Happy, sad, happy, sad
I am scared to become a monster
or to realize I am actually bad

I'm confused
am I enough?
I'm tired of being used
and when i'm shinning getting shut off

I do not know how I can trust
I have failed too many times
My brain is beginning to rust
with all these tricky signs

The road is long
I cannot look from a far
I can just listen to a song
for this feeling to discard

My phone is off
my radio doesn't work
I can't contact who I love
My brain begins to call me "jerk"

The station changed
no longer AM or FM
All these noises won't end
It is my brain I want to condemn

The road keeps getting longer
I really want this to be over
I start imagining the impossible such as ogres
I see a cliff and i'm about to fall to the border

No one is there
the road lights don't work
i'm in the middle of nowhere
my brain keeps screaming "jerk"

I used the wrong map again
My radio doesn't get repaired
I am about to quit this game
I am not capable and I am scared

The car falls
slowly, all my memories start flashing
I am trapped inside these walls
but all I have is a thread and needle
Stitching won't help

The car is about to crash
i'm about to reach the end
but I begin to smash
the windows to defend
the journey that I thought would clash

I am in pain
it took a long time to heal
I felt the road was all in vain
but the thread and needle helped me deal
with the damage of my broken brain

I went back to the road
this time feeling prepared
not using the car radio to avoid
the moments i felt despaired

The road wasn't always straight
but this time i know
that i cannot deal with the weight
life always finds its way to flow
and if i can't drive, i can always skate

Sometimes in life i will have
To sail the 7 seas
but there will always be a bit of laugh
even when the bees sting

I will go to planes
I will travel trains
even if I fail It won't be in vain
because after the rain
I can see the sun from the plane