Vagabonds

Chapter 20

Chapter Song: Head Above Water by Olive James

Trigger Warning: Non-descriptive mention of suicide

RILEY'S POV

I quickly run to the door as I hear the others arrive. They were gone for a week. Beth radioed in and said they ran into trouble and had to stay low for a while. She assured me that Alex was safe. Still, I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong.

My fears are confirmed as I watch Alex exit the car and head straight inside without as much as one look at anyone. Then I see why.

Three more people exit the car. Three.

Everyone was in shock. It was as if we forgot how to function.

Everyone except the three people who continued to unload the car with the supplies they left to get.

We watch them as they enter the house and leave us all wondering what happened.

We were not ready to hear it.

Sarah told us.

Sarah told us with so much calm and clarity that it felt like it was a sour prank being played on us. But it wasn't a prank. It was all true.

Zack was gone. We never thought or even dared to imagine losing one of us but now that it happened...

And Alex... having to do what they did again...

"That's not the first time it happened."

I look up at Aly. Everyone else's eyes are on her, confused since the events at the twins house were never spoken of again.

"That's not the first time Alex was asked to— pull the plug. Their dad—." We all stare at her in shock.

"Their dad was sick. He had been for a while. We thought he was getting better but suddenly the cancer started to progress and the doctors didn't know how to stop it. He was strong but he couldn't take it anymore. So he asked Alex to end his suffering. They were the only family they had left. They were estranged from their mom so there was no one else to make the decision but them. This was just three months before the outbreak..."

"Alex's mom heard what happened and forced them to live with her afterwards. She'd always been against Alex's 'lifestyle' and how their father supported it. We'd always complain about how much of a bitch she was but... Alex never hated her. That's why I was surprised when we buried Zack next to her."

"What do you mean?" Sarah asks with great confusion.

"It's not your fault you didn't notice but... There was another rock beside your brother's. Much smaller and can be easily mistaken as just a rock and not a plaque. But I saw it and the initials carved into it. I asked Alex about it later on. Apparently the universe is playing a sick game on them. That time they left— when you all first met— the very first zombie they encountered was no other than... their mom."

Gasps fill the room. Suddenly, everything made sense. The way Alex reacted when they saw the twins' parents. Why they lost control when Zack provoked them. Why they said what they said before going up the stairs...

Alex had to say goodbye to their parents before and after the outbreak. And both times they were the one who had to end their lives.

"I can see Alex withdrawing again." Aly continues. "They haven't had time to grieve their dad. They had to cut short mending their relationship with their mom. They had to take your parents away from you too." Aly looks at Sarah. "And your brother, Zack... they see him as their brother too. I'm afraid that this will be the last straw for Alex. That it will trigger them to—."

"I can't lose them again." We watch Aly break down into tears as our own eyes begin to fill.

We never knew what Alex was dealing with. They always presented themself as someone strong and reliable. Someone who could turn a drastic situation into a comedy. We never— I never knew the depth of Alex's pain.

Anger fills me as I realize the torture the universe was inflicting upon them. They don't deserve this. So why? Alex is good. To the very core. Alex is good.

The world doesn't deserve them. But it can't lose them either.

We can't lose them.

I can't lose them.