knight in amor | na jaemin

I need you

"Hey...is Yeseul there?" Jaemin asked Jeyi who was just as surprised to see him at her door on a Saturday morning

"Hey uh...nice to see you again. Did she not tell you?" Jeyi asked

"Tell me what?" Jaemin asked, confused

"Yeseul and Jisung live together now, number 42 on the 11th floor" she said

"Oh...thank you so much, sorry for bothering" he said and she nodded with a smile, closing the door as she saw him turn to the elevator

"Hey" Jaemin greeted as he saw Jisung open the door for him after knocking a few times.

"Uh....Im sorry hyung...I've been given very strict instructions to not let anyone in for another week" Jisung said with a nervous smile

"Come on, just this once" Jaemin said, attempting aegyo making Jisung cringe and Jaemin soon realised that wasn't going to work on him.

"I'll get in troub-"

"Listen, I'll buy you three new characters on valorant" Jaemin said

"Hmm, I'll consider it-"

"And new gun skins" Jaemin pleaded

"Access granted" Jisung said with a wide smile, opening the door wider for him to enter. Jaemin shot him a relieved smile before walking into their house. His eyes scanned the living room that was too his right and the long hallway to his left.

"Her room's the last one down the hall" Jisung said, returning back to the living room to practice for his audition that Yeseul had kept pestering about.

Jaemin walked down the long hall, try to make his voice less dry than it had been for the past few days. His hand fisted and raised to the door to knock, a quiet one at first but figuring she wouldn't have heard it, he knocked a bit louder.

He heard a muffled hum but no response so he knocked again

"What is it Jisung? I'm busy?" Yeseul shouted back from her room as she tried to respond to emails from her manager regarding measurements for outfits as the stage performances were nearing.

"Can I come in?" Jaemin spoke up and Yeseul immediately stopped typing on her laptop. Heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach as she heard his voice for the first time in a while, yet it some what irritated her this time.

"Did you not hear me? I said I'm busy" she said with a sigh.

Jaemin wasn't going tolerate the cold shoulder today, he needed someone to be there for him.

"Yeseul...I'm coming in" he said before opening the door, being met with a distasteful look on her face as he let himself inside.

His eyes scanned her surprisingly clean room as she closed her laptop, standing up from her desk as she turned towards him. She wasn't looking the best, wearing Jeno's hoodie that he left while he was staying over after the barbecue, hair in a messy bun and glasses that were way to big for her face. Yet to Jaemin, she was the most beautiful at this very moment. His eyes immediately softened, the corners of his lips pointing upwards, tugging his lips to smile at her yet she never returned it.

"What do you want?" She asked, showing her hands into the pockets

"Can we talk" Jaemin asked, approaching her yet she only held out her hand.

"You can talk to me from there" she said, creating tension around the room and his smile slowly faltered.

"Youngmi...is supposed to get her test results today...I'm worried" he said, looking down at his shoes and she scoffed

"What do you want me to do about it?"she asked, no sign of her being nice to him any time soon.

"Yeseu-"

"Hi Jaemin, I'm doing fine thanks for asking" she said with a cold tone and he already realised he had messed up his chance

"Do you know how selfish you can be sometimes? Seriously what do you want from me? Why do you always want me around when there's an inconvenience in your life...then suddenly when everything goes another way I'm the inconvenience? I'm not your...therapist or some support group you can just rely on Jaemin-"

"Of course not...I thought we were frie-"

"No...I'm not your friend. Friends don't kiss each other, friends don't give each other false hope, friends be there for each other, friends don't hurt each other and...friends don't throw each other away when things aren't going well" She said, tears almost building up in her eyes but she wasn't going to cry. Like Jeyi had said several times, he wasn't worth it.

"Yeseul I'm sorry, i know I haven't always been there for you and I really wish i was..i know its selfish of me but I really just...need a friend right now" he said, almost pleading with his eyes

"Then go to your friends, that's why you have Jeno, Renjun, Haechan...why are you here? Please leave" she said, turning away from him, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared outside her bedroom window. She had a feeling she was being too harsh on him, he was just asking for her support but why did it hurt so much for her. She didn't want to be his friend, but she didn't have the confidence to tell him she wanted much more than that. He didn't seem like he ever saw her in that way, regardless of how many kisses and hugs he could've given her, his heart seemed empty to her.

She failed to hear him walk towards her with her thoughts clouding her head. Her body froze up as she felt him slowly snake his arm around her waist, hugging her from behind as she slowly placed his head on her shoulder. This was nothing like him, he would usually respect her boundaries, he knew to leave when the answer was no. But this time he was really desperate and Yeseul had betrayed her own feelings once again for him.

"I'm sorry..." he said, through his sniffles, trying his best not to irritate her anymore, yet his tears slowly fell down his cheeks, landing on her shoulder

"I just can't help but wonder if it is my child...would they have the same problem as me...how could i be so careless to even bring a child so much pain...there's a side of me that wants a child, to grow up and make memories...another part of me who's scared to put them through that kind of childhood...no one deserves that" he said with a whisper and Yeseul melted with a sigh.

"Since such a young age I've always wanted a child...to treat him or her better than my parents could have treated me, to give them a life i never had, a life i would have always dreamt of....but now..." his voice was almost shaking realising that he didn't exactly have much time left in this world...let alone a chance to have what he always wanted, a family.

Yeseul loosened his arms a bit as she turned around to him, blinking her own tears that were welled up in her eyes away.

Jaemin looked at her through his watery, tear stained eyes, pink and red flushes on his face, she couldn't help but soften.

"I'm sorry I hurt you...I'll do better" he said, pulling her into a hug, smiling as she hugged back without hesitation. The wonderful feeling of his heart frantically beating in his chest was always something she could never help but smile at herself.

"Jaemin will do better" he said, stroking his hand by her head as she rested her head into his chest, listening to him his words again and again while her ears never failed to miss a beat that his heard made.