red herring [h.s.]

55.

Been a while since I posted a 10K-words chapter xx

Harry.

I was such a fucking idiot.

It was a little over a week since Stella left New York and flew back home to DC. That Wednesday after the longest night of our lives, I woke up to find her booking her flight to go home. We had an easy morning after that though, cuddling on the bed in silence and sipping our coffee before it was her time to go to the airport. We didn't talk about it much, there was no need to.

I insisted on taking her, listening to her phone calls in the car. She called Erin, Logan and even Zayn. She explained to them that she was leaving for a while but to be in reach through the phone. Erin started crying on the phone, which prompted Stella to sniff as they had an emotional conversation that I pretended not to listen to, staring out of the window of the cab.

Stella didn't pack much, just one suitcase. My feet felt heavy when I walked her into the airport, seeing all the people hurrying around. They were all eager to get somewhere else, as was she. While I was the one staying behind. We were at Newark and in the lobby, hearing the announcements for the different flights. DC was only about an hour away by plane, and Stella held onto her ID in her hand while scanning the board to see her gate.

"Stell." I murmured, brushing my fingers over her jaw to get her attention. She turned to me, exhaustion clear in her eyes as she shot me a faint smile, "Thank you for bringing me."

"Of course." I smiled back, pushing her hair behind her ear which prompted her to lean herself into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, joining them on her back and holding her close. I felt her breathing harshly into my neck as she linked her arms around my torso, clinging to me.

I puckered my lips into her temple when Stella sniffed into my neck, "I'm going to miss you."

My heart broke. I didn't want to let her go.

"Please, stay." I murmured, squeezing her tightly into me. Her body fit mine so perfectly and I used the momentum to inhale her scent, worried that this was the final time I'd be able to do so.

She sniffed again, "I can't. I have to go."

I know.

I screwed my eyes shut as we clung to one another in the middle of the airport, hands harshly grabbing one another like life rafts. And that was the problem. We were both just holding each other above water and I knew – I just knew – that Stella wanted to be stronger on her own. She didn't want to be dependent on me, she wanted to be fine by herself before letting me in again.

She pulled back and cupped my cheeks, and I looked into her watery eyes, "Don't ever think that I don't love you, Harry. I want you to know that I care, I don't want you to ever be insecure about my feelings for you. Don't think that I'm not serious about this relationship or about making this work, I want a future with you. Which is why I'm doing this, I want you in my life for a very long time." She spoke, her voice slightly wavering, "I have no regrets falling in love with you."

I calmed down slightly, forcing myself to nod. I knew this is what I wanted to hear. Stella had transferred some of her overthinking ways to me. I never used to have that with her because I was always the one in control, and she was the one left in the dark. Now it was the other way around. I couldn't read her mind and it drove me crazy.

I knew she meant every word she said, but I had to feel it. And I wasn't feeling it.

I watched her walk away, her cheeks wet and a faint smile on her lips as she waved one more time before disappearing behind the corner to check in. She called me the moment she landed while I was at my Chelsea-apartment and only then did I calm down a bit. The entire time before that had been spent pacing around.