(Ten Years) ~ Elizabeth Olsen

26 ~ Loss

Y/N POV

The day has come for Lizzie to leave. After the reception, Josh had to head back to New York to continue working on his stuff, Hailee had to head to LA, and Harry is leaving tomorrow. Pam flew out to LA this morning to deal with some work issues even though she didn't want to leave me alone. I assured her I would be okay though.

I'm kind of sad Lizzie is leaving and I'm scared for whatever is going to happen. She's been acting weird and it's making me nervous. The more time I spend with her the more I want to be around her and I'm afraid I'm getting too attached already.

"Auntie Lizard, you have to FaceTime us." Aiden reminds her as she packs her new suitcase with the stuff she's bought while here.

"Of course, alligator. Whenever you want." She confirms with a warm smile.

"You'll come visit too?" Mia adds on.

"Yes, I'll visit. As long as it's okay with Marie and Derek." She explains.

"Okay. Mia, can we go play now?" Aiden asks and Mia follows easily running off after him leaving giggles in their path.

"So, are you happy to go home?" I ask, my gaze focused on my fingers playing with the blanket I'm laying across.

"I uh...I wouldn't say happy. I mean. I have some stuff to take care of." She shares and I nod. There's a few beats of silence because I don't know what to say. "Y/N, please look at me," She requests softly.

I look up slowly and almost lose my breath at how green her eyes are. I thought I'd get over them, but I haven't. I don't think I ever will. I continue to watch as she searches my eyes, a small smile grows on her lips.

I can't help but smile also and blush a little as my eyes drop again. Just a simple look has my stomach flipping.

"I know that this isn't easy. There's a lot going on. But, I'm here and I don't ever want to be apart from you again." She expresses easily. My gaze returns to hers to see the honesty in her eyes and I nod.

"I appreciate that I just...I'm scared." I share quietly, feeling a little stupid about it. She shifts and closes her suitcase before sitting down on the mattress, looking down at me.

"What are you scared of?" She asks.

"Well that's a loaded question." I tease and she smiles but tilts her head to show me she's listening. "I don't know. I just...I've spent so long keeping people at arm's length. Protecting myself and focusing on work. I don't like not knowing what this is when I've known and defined all of my relationships, if I can even call them that, with people so clearly for years." I try to explain and she nods softly.

"You're afraid of not having control...and of commitment?" She clarifies and I sigh. Hailee always tells me I have commitment issues and I know she's right.

"I mean. Yes? I've lost so much and I don't want to lose anything or anyone else. I haven't had any control over my life, other than my work and I just...I want to know that I'm safe and secure. I want to trust people. It's just hard when all I get is loss." I explain as my mind races.

I've talked to Linda a lot about loss. The loss of my father, my mother, and now my brother and sister in law. I lost Lizzie and I pushed away so many women thinking I finally could control it.

I lost my self worth when Jessica abused and manipulated me. I lost all sense of who I was before her.

I found myself again to only lose the love of my life.

I know I have trouble letting people care about me. It's a response to care being taken away my entire life. I push people away to protect myself and struggle to let anyone in. I'm an absolute mess and a part of me thinks that maybe I don't deserve to even try anything with Lizzie. I'm scared I'll only hurt her.