(Ten Years) ~ Elizabeth Olsen

53 ~ Scattered

Y/N POV

The little...event that happened with Lizzie really opened my eyes a bit. I knew we had some stuff to work on but I didn't think she was that worried. I don't know what it will take for the both of us to feel secure together and the worst part is that it's our own minds and past making it hard.

"In the spirit of communication, I um. I've been feeling a little weird about something too...a few things." I start and she leans back from my embrace.

"Okay, what is it?" She asks and gently takes my hands to guide me to sit on the couch.

"Um...I'm a little uneasy about the book thing with your ex and how your parents know nothing about me and about us." I state simply. Might as well just say it at this point.

"Both of those things make sense. If the book is really making you that uneasy I can take my name off it." She suggests and I shake my head.

"No, you are so excited about it. I won't ask you or allow you to do that. Just like how you were worried about Lauren I get a little worried about Robbie. We get scared." I pause as something clicks in my brain. "I think...I think maybe these things are just a symptom of something bigger." I realize and she tilts her head in confusion.

"What do you mean, bug?" She asks as I continue to think through what I'm about to say.

"I think...well something has always been the cause of our issues if you really think about it." I start and she nods to show me she's listening. "It's always about if we are open about our relationship or not and how we feel about it." I reveal gently and watch as she thinks it through.

"Huh." She responds as the gears continue to turn in her head.

"Our first ever disagreement was because I tried to kiss you in public. Which I shouldn't have done. The whole Russia thing is a little different but I think maybe a part of that was you not being ready or comfortable with a relationship with me yet. You said you were sorry you weren't able to give me the world then. You said you thought you were bringing me down and just wanted me to fly even if it was without you. Once we actually became a real couple you started to get busy with work and Rhonda fucking happened. We broke up for a few reasons but one was the NDA that said I couldn't even speak about you. I'm not saying you don't want to have a public relationship with me because I know you do, but I also think it scares you. It scares me sometimes too." I summarize patiently and watch as she thinks it over.

"No one knows about me. Your sisters, my family, Hailee, Harry, Josh, Robbie. So maybe not nobody but all of those people know that they shouldn't share the information. We didn't tell them to keep it a secret...but I think we might have implied it. We've been keeping this secret since the start of us and maybe...maybe we are scared about what will happen once we truly announce it to the world...to your parents." I continue, hoping she knows I am not blaming her for anything. We both had a hand in this.

"All you've ever wanted is to love me without restrictions. We can finally have that but we're both still holding back." She concludes and I nod.

"We're being little scaredy cats about it." I tease and she giggles. "It's so interesting how possessive you can get, but hold back as soon as you get scared. It's understandable. Being in the closet isn't fun at all and if you need more time you will surely get it. I don't want you to feel like you need to do anything to get us out of this cycle. It will happen when it happens. I'll still be here loving you." I assure her.

"No Y/N. We aren't hiding anymore. I want to address it for real now. Once we tell my parents." She decides with fire in her eyes.

"Whatever you want, sweet girl." I agree and accept the soft kisses she gives me. I know for a fact she never consciously made all of her decisions with hiding us in mind. I mean I was doing it too. It's always been the lingering motive behind us and I'm excited to break out of it.