Just a Mass Effect Fanfic

Prologue

(The alliance ship called the Normandy is flying through space towards a mass relay. It's piloted by a man named Jeff Moreau, or more commonly known as "Joker")

(Among the passengers are John Shepard, Matthew Thorne, Kaidan Alenko, Richard Jenkins, David Anderson and a turian named Nihlus Kryik)

Joker: The arcturus prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence... We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination. The relay is hot, approaching the vector. All stations secure for transit. Board is green, approach run has begun

(Joker steers the Normandy towards the mass relay)

Joker: Hitting the relay in 3... 2... 1...

(The Normandy goes through the relay and gets launched faster than the speed of sound)

Joker: Thrusters... Check. Navigation... Check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems overdrift... just under 1500K

Nihlus: 1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased

(Nihlus walks out of the cockpit, leaving only Joker, Kaidan, and Thorne in there)

Joker: I hate that guy

Kaidan: Nihlus gave you a compliment... so you hate him?

Thorne: You know, he doesn't give praise lightly

Joker: You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So, that's incredible. Besides, spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board, call me paranoid

Thorne: Ok. You're paranoid

Kaidan: The council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment

Joker: Yeah, that's the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story

(But then, Commander Shepard walks into the cockpit)

Shepard: I agree. They don't send spectres on ordinary shakedown runs

Thorne: There's probably more going on here than the captain's letting on

(A computer beeps and Captain Anderson's voice booms through the speaker)

Anderson: Joker! Status report

Joker: Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems are engaged. Everything looks solid

Anderson: Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to the alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime

Joker: Aye aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way

Nihlus: I'm already here, Lieutenant

Joker: (Facepalm)

Anderson: Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for debriefing

Joker: Ya got that, commander?

Shepard: He sounds angry. Something must've gone wrong with the mission

Thorne: Oof

Joker: Meh. He always sounds like that when he's talking to me

Kaidan: Can't possibly imagine why...

(Shepard walks through the deck and into the comms room. Nihlus is there, but Anderson isn't)

Nihlus: Commander Shepard. I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk