med school roommates

chapter 98

I wake up in the morning. I take a deep breath, remembering what happened yesterday. I sit up. I'm shocked to see derek didn't climb into bed with me in the middle of the night.

I get up, have a quick shower and get ready. I go into the living room. I furrow my brows.

"Der?" I say. I look around the room. He's not here. I walk over to the counter as I see a note. I pick it up and read it.

I'm out.

It says simply. I scoff. "No shit" I roll my eyes. I go into the kids room. "Hi sweethearts" I kiss both of their heads. I pick them up.

I carry them into the living room. I feed them and now we're sat on the couch. "What do you babies think? Will daddy be back soon?" I kiss lucas' cheek.

"Mommy!" Mia says. I look at her. I smile as she starts talking gibberish. "Yes baby, I agree" I grin, kissing her nose. She giggles.

I put a kid show on the tv and the babies play on the floor infront of me. I decide I'm not just gonna sit here and wait for him to get home like some Lame ass loser so I get my books and sit at the counter.

It's been a couple of hours and I've got a bit of studying done when the door opens. I don't look up. He closes the door behind him. He walks over to me.

"Hey" he gently strokes my hair back. I Ignore him. "Look at me" he whispers. I don't. I keep writing.

I don't even know what I'm writing. It definitely doesn't make sense because I can't concentrate but I want him to know I'm annoyed.

"Hey baby, look at me" he says quietly. "You really scared me last night" I whisper, my voice cracking unwillingly. "I would never hurt you, you know that, right?" He says, stroking my back gently. I nod.

"I didn't mean to- I'm sorry.. thats stupid.. that's a stupid thing to say.. I meant to, I'm not trying to say its not my fault coz I was drunk.. I just didn't mean to like that but.. I didn't- I tried to rush you into having sex with me" he says. I look down.

"And I'm really really sorry.. I'd never do anything without your consent.. I hope you know that" he says. "I know" I say, still not making eye contact.

"Talk to me please" he rests his forehead against the side of my head. "Where were you?" I ask.

"I figured you'd be upset with what I did yesterday.. I got you some chocolate to stress eat" he smiles, handing me some maltesers. I try to hide my smile.

I grab the shopping bag. "Alcohol?" I ask, looking through it. "No" he says. I finally look at him. I look into his eyes. He's telling the truth. I put the bag down.

"I'm not upset that you tried to have sex with me.. I'd have sex with you if it makes you feel better.. I'm sad because you just left me there.. on the couch after I told you to stop" I look down.

He puts his hands on my cheeks, looking into my eyes. "I'm really sorry" he whispers. "I know" I say.

"I wasn't angry at you, you know? I'm sorry for taking it out on you.. I didn't mean it" he says. I look down. "I'm really really sorry" he pushes his face into my neck, wrapping his arms around me.

I feel his tears soak my shirt. I sigh, running my hands up and down his back. He pulls away slowly. I close my eyes as he rests his forehead against mine.

"I didn't mean to hurt you" he whispers. "It's okay" I say. "No, it isn't" he pulls away. "Derek-" I say. "I'm really sorry" he backs away. He leaves the apartment quickly.

I look at the babies. I can't leave them here. I can't run after him. I sob uncontrollably. I put my hand on my chest, my throat stinging in pain from my sobs.

I run to my room, grabbing my phone. I ring him. He doesn't answer. I ring him again. He doesn't answer. I'm now shaking. Where did he go?

I ring Carol. "Mer?" She says. "M-me and derek had a fight and he left and I'm scared.. I dont know where he went" I sob. "What? What happened?" She asks.

"I- we fought yesterday and he said something that upset me and he apologised today.. I forgave him but he just left the apartment saying he's really sorry.. I've never seen him like this.. I'm scared" my lip trembles.

"Okay, I'm coming over" she says. "Okay" I whisper. "Just stay there and I'll look after the babies.. you'll find him, okay?" She says. "Okay, thankyou" I whisper. We hang up.

She arrives at mine to watch the babies and I leave. I go everywhere I can possibly think of; bars, school, nearby parties.. nothing. I'm in my car, crying uncontrollably.

I get an idea. I drive to the tree house where we had our first date. "Derek?!" I climb up the tree house. I whimper quietly as I see him inside. I leap into his arms, hugging him tighter than ever.

"You scared me!" I sob into his shoulder. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to scare you" he whispers. I cry harder into his shoulder.

I finally pull away slowly. I look into his eyes. I kiss him softly. He kisses me again. I deepen the kiss, crawling ontop of him. "Mer.. we can't" he gently pushes me away.

"But i want to" I whisper. "I can't" he says. I look into his eyes. "Yesterday, if I made you feel anything like I did when I was younger.. I- I can't.. I dont deserve you" he says, his voice shaky.

"Der, no.. never.. I know you'd never do that to me.. I'm not scared of you.. you stopped" I say. "I never should've done it.. I pulled off your clothes after you said no" he says.

"I was going to do it anyway!" I say. He looks at me shocked. "I was gonna sleep with you, I just wanted to make sure that's what you really wanted, and you took it the wrong way and got annoyed" I say.

He looks down. "Der" I sigh. He looks at me. "Let's go home" I whisper. "..okay" he whispers.