The Pain of Being Left | pjm

~Chapter 18~

The second I entered my appartement, I headed to Sumin's room, in order to tell her what I had just discovered. I told everything to my sister, and especially this was surely something I needed to share with her.

But as I had got up to reach her room, I stood in front of her door, my hand frozen as I was reaching for its handle. Was it a good idea? To share this sad truth that I was pained to know, as I had wished to never find out about it. Indeed, I had told myself I was moving on, I had told myself that I wouldn't let this pain of not having him next to me hurt me any further, but since I discovered this not even a few hours ago, I just couldn't get my mind off him. I wanted to know everything he had been up to. I wanted to know if he had been happy, if he had remembered me.

So, was it a good idea to once again, bother my sister with all this, as I had already burdened her all these years with the same story, over and over again. Maybe she had been sick and tired of the way I had acted over the past years, simply for a...man. A man who had certainly forgotten me. A man...who...didn't need me.

Even though all these thoughts came rushing through my mind, I knew I couldn't live without having to tell ber about it, as she would instantly see something was going on, as I always acted weird when I was to not tell anything.

Entering the room in a rather rushed manner, I shut all the different thoughts and voices feuding in my head, soon sitting on her bed while she was watching something on her computer. As soon as she noticed her bed sinking next to her, indicating her that I was beside her, she averted her eyes to meet my figure.

Before speaking, I took a deep breath, and soon, the words that had been spinning around in my mind, escaped my lips to reach her ears.

- "Look, I know you might think I am lying, or that I made a mistake or whatsoever, but I swear I have never been so sure in my life..." As I started off, she furrowed her brows in confusion, as she was worried of what I was to say. "So, here it goes. MybossisJimin!" I said quickly, mumbling my words as I said so, nervousness I had not expected coursing through my body. It was often hard for me to express my thoughts openly, and so I would say it in a way for others to not quite understand it. But my sister well understood what I had just blurted out.

Her eyes widened in shock, as I could see worry form in her orbs as well. But the thing was, I didn't know what that worry exactly meant. I had though that the worry she had was not especially for me being sad about seeing him again or whatsoever, it was actually because of who was after me. If he was to find out I knew about this, it would make things even worse than it was.

If only I knew the harm this person had caused in the past, yet the love he used to offer my sister and my parents. If I knew that the happiness they used to have all ended the day I was brought to this world.

- "Sis, are you okay?" Sumin finally blurted out in the silence that had filled the room.

- "Well yeah, I guess. I don't know if he knows that it's me yet. He probably forgot about me...but that's fine. I mean he left so, I'm not surprised!" I left a chuckle escape my mouth at the end of my sentence, trying to lighten up the mood, but it simply made it more awkward than it already was.

- "Look, if you don't feel well about it, just quit the job."

- "No, I don't want to. I have worked so hard to get there, I am not gonna quit simply because it's Jimin. I'm fine now. It's in the past. Why look back when we already walked through that path. I need to look in front to attain my goal."

Sumin simply nodded at my statement, giving me a hug right after as she knew I was not completely okay at all. But I had already cried enough for the day, and didn't want to continue being that way. Must've been the tenth time I told myself the same thing. But, this time, I was going to stick to it.

***

My heart would not stop to pound, as this unstoppable sound resonated in my ears. Thin beads of sweat had started to form on my forehead as I tried to reach for the handle to his office room. The simple fact of knowing it was him now had made everything weird for me, as he was the one I used to see as my everything, my best friend, until the day he shamelessly left me behind.

But I didn't want that to stop me from working here. I wanted to start a new chapter of my life that simply was filled with happiness and new memories. So, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and managed to turn the handle.

Mr Park's head turned to face me, as he was, a few seconds ago, looking outside the window. His eyes seemed to be glued to my figure, his eyes portraying some kind of sadness and madness, as well as regret. He seemed to have already figured out who I was, maybe because of what happened yesterday.

- "Why did you leave me behind yesterday? Did I do something wrong?" He bluntly told, having me frozen for some minutes.

What was I to say, that I was Y/N from his childhood, that I figured out he was Jimin, and that I freaked out. Certainly not. I needed to invent a story quickly, and as I recalled what had happened, an idea popped into my head.

- "Well, you suddenly hugged me, I felt uncomfortable and left. I am sorry, I should have told you so. We may have seemed close, but you are my boss so we should not be doing such things."

These words seemed to sadden him even more, his head hanging low now, not wanting to meet my gaze. After some time of silence, he simply nodded, and told me to sit and work on what was placed on the table. Without uttering another word, I followed his commands, and started working as he said. For now on, I needed to stop talking to him, stop seeing him as anything else than my boss.

Our lives have changed, I was sure I didn't need him anymore and he didn't need me. That's what I liked to believe at least, and that was enough for me.

~To be continued~

It's been a very long time since I haven't updated and i'm very sorry. A lot has been going on. I decided to publish this chapter that has been waiting here for so long, and I hope you like it. I'm sorry to say, but I will rarely publish from now on and I hope you understand. I will still try my best. Love you 💕