city lights - jaemin

40

MICHA walked towards the swimming pool with Youngmi by her side. She told her friends about the competition, despite them already having found out from another girl on the team when they went around asking how it went.

"At least you're still trying, Micha." Youngmi says, smiling sweetly to the girl who looked at the ground with a forced smile on her own lips.

She bid her goodbyes to youngmi once they reached the pool. Youngmi had a test coming up and because she had been doing little to no studying, she suddenly had the motivation to try and get an A instead of her usual B.

Micha couldn't care less about her grades, she had her swimming team to take the stress away from tests. But now it felt as though the two things were switching. Micha wished she could go study with her friend and aim for an A instead of merely aiming to pass.

Micha changed quickly in the changing rooms, leaving her things resting the bench before rushing out to where her team were sitting on the edge of the pool waiting for the coach. Micha sat down next to them as they continued to talk about the next competition, talking about the other teams and how every school's team is noticeably improving. Micha stared at the water and noticed something she never used to feel before.

She didn't want to do this.

Maybe it was something that was building up over time and just because she crashed, it triggered her emotions to burst and now she suddenly didn't feel the same thrilling feeling to competitive swimming.

why do I feel this way?
Micha asked herself in her mind. She carefully thought back to when she started, and as though it was a tape, she remembered every memory of swimming competitively. She then came to year 10, a specific memory haunting her.

She sat on the side of the bathtub, body aching from practicing too much. Tears built up in her eyes. She wanted to the be the best. her parents wanted her to be that way, so she tried. Only to resort in her own happiness decreasing.

It was the biggest slump she ever went through. The pressure was on her to be the best. She remembered how after the slump, which lasted about a month, she took care of herself and decided to cut down on how much she practiced.

She still remained number one even when the amount of practicing she went through dropped.

Year 11 she lowered it some more, to try and focus on studies. Barely anytime was spent in the pool. Her time was merely spent with Youngmi and a couple of other friends like Yujun and some other girls off the swim team.

She remembered when she wouldn't practice for a week and then when she still swam, she would still be in the top three.

She stopped caring around that time. She found other things fun, and didn't prioritise swimming.

And here she was. Sitting on the edge of the pool as her team mates happily talked about their love for swimming, while she thought about the one thing she realised she has been wanting for the longest time.

to quit the swim team.