ANGEL IN DISGUISE , MILEVEN AU

34.

when mike noticed el walk into the office late in the afternoon after she went to the studio for a costume rehearsal, he knew something was wrong from the way she was walking.

he left his door open to watch her come in and he wasted no time to get up and take her into his office.

"what's wrong, honey? something went wrong with your costume?" he asked her as she shook her head. "no, it was fine."

"honey.." he brought her to the couch and sat her on his lap.

"i hate my costume," she mumbled and looked into his eyes, "it's so tight fitting.."

"okay..?"

"i'm skinny.. in a way when i don't eat. i.. it's flat, i swear. my ribs are— they're flat! and then there's this little bit right below my stomach that no matter how i try to suck in, won't go in.." she whispered, "and it's so ugly.. it's so obvious."

"honey, you're beautiful," he held her face, "come on, i look at you and i can feel myself getting hard."

she slipped a small smile, "i was just feeling really nice and then the small fatter part of me just made me feel like shit. thank you," she whispered.

"who cares if you a small fatter part? i don't because that just makes you more human to me. and cuter, by the way," he smirked and pulled her up higher, "i like you the way you are and you should too, honey,"

"i can't."

"and whys that?"

she looked at him, debating if she should tell him and be honest or not. then she remembered and felt how comforting his words were and how comfortable she was around him.

he wouldn't judge her.

"because i've never loved myself the way i was and i tried to change myself to be who i would love. why do you even love me? i cant give you anything.. i can't give you kids—"

"i don't want fucking kids."

"i don't care if you want another woman to—"

"el," he held her hands and stopped her from hyperventilating, "i want you. i will never ever choose to lose you for something else. you can't have kids? that's okay. we will get through that. it can be just the two of us forever or we can find some lovely children in an orphanage if you want. i'm not having my own kids with someone else unless it's you."

"el," he rubbed her face as she cried. "i really wanted my own kids,"

"oh honey," he leaned his forehead to hers as she sobbed, "it's all i ever wanted," her eyes shut, "and he took that from me," she hit his chest, "he took it from me,"

he nodded, allowing her to hit him over and over again as she cried. "he didn't have to take it away, he could've told me to abort it.. he didn't need to.."

he held her face, "what the hell did he do?"

she inhaled a breath before whispering. "i found out i was pregnant after he.. well he didn't really force it.. i gave in at the end but.. i was two weeks pregnant and when he found out, he beat me with a bat till i lost it. and then he.." she took a breath and blinked away the tears, "i was losing blood whilst having a miscarriage and so to finish the job, he made sure i can never have children again with the same bat."

"i didn't die because he called his friend to make sure i won't when i was bleeding out," she added, "the same friend who saw me get locked up by him."

"you have a name?"

she shook her head. "no. i was focusing on not losing something else."

"what happened after?" he asked her, "did he do anything else?"