ANGEL IN DISGUISE , MILEVEN AU

21.

el coughed, hitting her chest as she bent over in the pantry, trying to catch her breath.

she had no idea what was going on but somehow it felt like there was something in her throat all morning.

she poured herself another glass of water, yawning as she did so because she was up all night again.

it was usual that she had a nightmare every few months but she hadn't had one that kept her up in a long time.

chugging down her glass of water, she stumbled back to her desk and gathered her things since it was a mess.

"ives, get the fuck in here," mike said and el winced.

he sounded super mad.

knocking softly on his door, she slowly entered and kept her head low. "yes sir?"

"the files! i wanted them minutes ago!" he shouted which made her flinch and nod, "yes.. i was just brining them to yo—"

"no, you weren't or else they would've been here earlier!" he screamed and stood up to snatch the files from her hands which made her jolt back in fear.

he would never hurt me. the guilt built up in her when she noticed how much she flinched around him because even though he was an asshole, he still wouldn't do so.

.. right?

"where's the sales proposal!?" he raised his hand which made her move back quickly and to shield her head.

"i'm sorry, i'll go grab. i'm so sorry, sir, i'll—" she stuttered, her eyes closing as she assumed his hand would drop onto her.

don't cry, don't move. don't move and you won't be in more trouble.

don't move and it won't hurt. don't move and accept it so—

"el," he snapped her out of the dream and caught her hand which made her jump.

her eyes were wide with tears and her mouth was open trying to get herself to breathe.

"fuck el, i'm sorry, im just pissed about something else—"

"i'm sorry, i'll get the.. i'll do—" she hiccuped and didn't have the strength to pull her arm back. "please, i'm sorry," she began to sob so she turned her head away, remembering how that got her into more trouble.

he quickly let go, realising what he was doing and she continued to move back as an instinct.

"el," he said quietly as she looked towards the ground, trying to control her breathing. "honey, i didn't—"

"can i go? please?" she begged quietly, "i will.." she didn't know what she was going to do and didn't know what she was even saying but she was trying to muster up something like she used to.

"el, i'm sorry—"

"i feel sick," she lied like she used do, "i don't want to throw up here," she hiccuped.

"i feel like i'm going to throw up," she breathed out quietly as he staggered backwards.

"ew, you're fucking disgusting!" he exclaimed and then she was left alone.

"okay," he whispered, "okay go—" his sentence didn't even finish and she was already racing out the door as if her life depended on it.

he's not the same. he was just mad. he was mad.

the guilt remained. he wouldn't hurt me. he wouldn't hit me.

he's not him.