Buried Feelings.

19. Alyssa

To say I hated Mondays was an understatement. Jessica parked us up in the car park of Carlton College. The first day back after the summer and I was dreading it. I looked up at all the students walking around hugging and laughing with the friends they haven't seen all summer. I had finished the school year early because of my dad passing and now going back to everyone knowing is going to be torture.

"You ready Lys?" I turn to face Jessica and see a sad smile on her face. That is what I didn't want. I didn't want the pity looks people were going to give me. I also don't want the sad smiles and the 'I'm sorries'. What I did want is to go home.

I looked back out at the mass of students I would be socializing with in less than 2 minutes. Suddenly it looked like everything was going in slow motion. The whole summer came flashing back to me. From my dad dying to meeting Jason to Scottie coming back into my life and now I'm back at school wishing I could just go home and curl myself back up in my bed.

"Alyssa..." Jessica's voice came back into my head as I heard the ring of the school bell. I let out a small breath I didn't realize I was holding and looked at my bestfriend "You ready?" She asks again. Was I ready?

No Alyssa you're not... Maybe going back was too soon.

But what choice did I have. Dad had been gone nearly 3 months, when was it ever going to be a good time.

I push my inner thoughts aside and open her car door. I climb out and take my bag with me. I looked up at the school building and closed my eyes for a moment before turning back to Jess "Yeah I think I'm ready" I then followed her up to our school building.

xxx

"I don't know what I'd do if my dad died suddenly" A blond headed girl said to the girl standing beside her.

That had been the third person I have heard talk about the fact my dad had passed away. The third person I wanted to slam against the lockers, but I didn't I just let it slip and carried on walking down the hall.

All morning I've had people stop me in the halls apologising for the death of my dad. I even had one person tell me they knew what I was feeling... Oh buddy no you don't... I'm not feeling anything, well I keep telling myself I don't feel anything, but Jason had changed that when he waltz into my life and I need to sort that out.

"Hey Alyssa" I looked down the hall at the person who called out to me. It was Aaron the guy l I used to have a crush on before my dad passed. The guy I wanted to be with, but things had changed. I didn't see him as that guy anymore. I stopped in front of him and he smiled down at me stepping a little closer "I'm sorry about your dad"

Now that 'I'm sorry' sounded more sincere than the ones I've been hearing all day. It was half way through the school day and I wanted to so bad run away and lock myself in my room. I still hadn't been able to shed a tear for my dad. I know it pained me to say good bye at his funeral and to watch the curtains close, but not once did I cry. I probably sounded like a monster or a terrible daughter, but I did truly love my dad. Honest.

"Thank you Aaron" I give him a small smile clutching the strap of my bag.

"If you still need anything you know where I am" He then leaned down and kissed my cheek. Now if he done something like that 3 months ago I would have fainted then and there, but now it did nothing to me. I just stood there as he pulled back and walked pass me.

"Did Aaron just kiss you?" Jessica squeals as she comes running up to me from her locker where she was looking at the scene between me and my former crush aka the hottest guy in college. I gave her a shrug and carried on walking having her walk beside me "Oh he so did"