Buried Feelings.

28. Alyssa

"So I saw Jason dropped you off this morning" Jessica says as she sits down in the seat next to me in tutor. I take my pen and note book out of my bag and place them in front of me before placing my bag on the floor by my feet "Alyssa..."

"Oh I'm sorry if you didn't get the hint from before, but we're not doing this" I state opening my note book to start doodling until my tutor turns up. I hear a loud sigh come from Jessica, but I try not to take any notice and cross one leg over the other rocking my foot back and forth.

"Are we seriously fighting right now?" Jessica asks sadness evident in her voice

I look up at her and see tears in her eyes as her bottom lip trembled and her hand shook. I didn't want to fight with Jessica, but she lied to me. I knew she liked one of them, but she decided to sleep with Scottie the guy she liked stabbing me in the back in the process.

Why didn't she just tell me when I asked her? Then we could have avoided all this bull crap, but oh no she had to lie and then go sleep with him claiming she was drunk. Why is it when something good happens; something bad is always around the corner.

She was my bestfriend, I don't understand why she couldn't just tell me the truth... Why did she have to lie and build this drama between us. Why did they both have to do this and ruin everything? If they liked each other why put me in the middle, I just don't understand it.

I put my pen down and turn to my supposed bestfriend "Yes Jessica we are in a fight right now because you" I point to her as I lower my voice "slept with Scottie after lying to me about actually liking him" She looks away from me and at the desk as other students slowly started walking into the class room "You should have just told me you like him Jessica... We could have avoided all of this. We were supposed to be bestfriends"

"Oh you wanna talk about being bestfriends" Jessica's eyes snapped towards me and I suddenly felt scared under her gaze of fire she was aiming at me right now "Scottie was meant to be your bestfriend and yet you were playing him like a fucking dogs toy. That boy would have done anything for you, but yet you were sleeping with Jason all summer to even realise it" I grasped as we started to gather everyone else's attention "I couldn't sit back anymore and watch you break him apart Alyssa. It wasn't right"

"So you actually thought you'd bail on me to sleep with him on my actual fucking birthday. Oh yeah Jess that's real nice. I can't believe your actually not apologising or at least trying to get me to forgive you" I threw back at her feeling my rage spark 100% inside me.

"I did apologise and you threw me out your bloody house. What more am I meant to do Alyssa. Go on tell me because I have no bloody clue" Jessica had tears at the brim of her eyes and as much as I wanted to hug her and tell her everything will be okay I couldn't... I didn't. I just sat there staring back at her as all eyes were on us.

I didn't know what she was meant to do to make this right. I don't know if she can make this right. What is friendship without trust? What is any relationship without trust? I looked back down at the desk and picked my pen up again and tapping the end on the desk as my foot started to rock back and forth again.

Right now I was watching my friendship of 12 years with Jessica slowly go down a drain not knowing how I was meant to stop it. What could be our plug that I would save at least some of what we once had. What we took years to build. She looked broken and I felt broken, however I didn't know how I was meant to salvage the friendship. How she was going to help me salvage our friendship.

I felt her intense stare on the side of my face as I still tried to think of how I was going to deal with this mess. I looked up at the clock seeing we only had about 10 minutes left of tutor which means Mrs MerryWeather wasn't in today.