A light in the darkness

Chapter 19

Ben put both of his hands on the shower's wall and leaned his head on the cool marble, letting the warm water massage his back as he stood under the steaming water. All the day and the last night, Maria's broken eyes had not left his mind for a second.

She had stayed the day with her sister in the hospital and he had not seen her on that day. The distance he had created between them because of his frustration had become unbearable for him and he knew it had bothered her too.

He wanted to pull her into his arms and reassure her that everything was fine. But he couldn't because nothing was alright. Gomez was after her, and her sister was almost raped. He groaned in frustration and hit the wall with clenched fists. Suddenly a distant memory flooded into his mind. 

The eight-year-old Ben was kneeling on the ground, supporting his weight with a trunk of a fallen tree while clutching a gun tightly in both hands, aiming for a target in front of him. He and his father were in the woods a few yards away from their summer house.

His father, Tony had knelt next to him, watching him silently. He was waiting patiently as the minutes passed but Ben made no move to pull the trigger. He knew exactly the reason behind his son's hesitance.

Two months ago Ben had sneaked into the basement where Tony was keeping his heavy guns and had taken one to examine. Accidentally, he had pulled the trigger and the force of the shot had dislocated his arm and his eardrums had been hurt because of the ear-piercing sound that had echoed into the small basement. 

And now the fear of pain had stopped him from pulling the trigger.

"I can't, dad." he grumbled after a moment and dropped his hands. He glanced at Tony with fearful eyes. "What if I hurt myself again? I don't want to shoot."

Tony patted his son's soft golden hair. "It's your choice, son." he said. "But you will be held down in life if you let your failures and fears stop you from trying again. It will ruin you more than failing over and over again. The fear will gain strength over the time and then one day, you see that you want to try, but the fear has such a tight grip on your mind that you can never do what you want and you should bear the heavyweight of regret"

"But what if I fail?" asked Ben.

"Sometimes we can't fight with the fate, son, even if we fight with all of our might." answered Tony and grabbed Ben's shoulders, and stared into his green eyes. "But you should not let it stop you from doing your best and fighting. If you do your best and fail at the end, at least you can say you have done your best and maybe try again." 

Back to reality, the now 29-year-old Ben looked up. He wouldn't let the fear of losing Maria hold him back from having her. He would have her and would fight the world to keep her safe, even if it meant giving his life.

With newfound determination, he quickly finished and ran out of the shower. He wanted to go to the hospital and talk to Maria about the past two days and apologize for his behavior and explain his reasons.

In half an hour, he was in the hospital parking lot. He was happy to finally see Maria and talk to her freely after two hard days. He stepped out of the elevator and walked toward the room they had moved Anna in.

He saw Matt, sitting in front of the door, guarding. The two men shook hands and greeted each other. "Is Maria inside?" asked Ben, trying to look nonchalant, but the faint smirk on Matt's always emotionless face told how miserable he was at acting.

"No, she went to gardens." answered Matt. 

"Gardens?" asked Ben and frowned. "But it's pouring outside."