Part 41 Enjoy <3

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by lydiaisamazing

by lydiaisamazing

                                    
                                              I sit there, gritting my teeth as you tell me you love him. You don't, you lie you want him for one thing and one thing only.
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                          I get so jealous of hearing how ambitious people are because I've lost my hope and dreams for the future. I can't help but feel like I'm just lacking an identity for myself or maybe I'm just missing the bigger picture.

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                          Because you see it's a funny thing really, pain demands to be felt.
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                          Every single task is a challenge now and I dread it all, waking up is becoming unbearable.
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                          And just when I thought I was getting better...
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                          I feel so alone, even people who I am closest with are all turning there backs on my and slamming the door in my face while all I can do is stay strong and fake a smile.
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                          The rain is so very important,
                          it shields people from noticing the tears that won't stop streaming down.
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                          Oh why must you be so childish darling?
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                          What a shame,
                          What a shame, 
                          beautiful scars on critical veins
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                          I didn't try to kill myself, I was trying to make the shit stop.
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                          Oh you don't believe that a nine year old girl was wishing for suicide?
                          Well here I am 4 years later still wishing it,
                          scars on my wrist as a memory 
                          as I try my hardest not to fall back on old tradition.
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