Lust | JJK ✔️

59- arid

"

My heart was experiencing disasters. As if calamities of all sorts were put inside me, leaving me barren and arid.

I was a guinea pig to this puzzle called life, I was put under a thousand needles which pierced my mental health without a single ounce of mercy. No one cared for me.

I was standing alone in a huge desert, a starry sky spread above me which was out of the reach of my hands, pretty and distant for my itchy eyes to view emptily. Filling my heart with need, with desire, but it wasn't something I could have. It was just there for me to see and observe and long for. I didn't deserve anything.

That sky was you.

I could remember your face, your voice, your words, the textures of your skin, the sound of your heart, and the fanning of your breath on my ears. But I could no longer have it, I didn't deserve anything.

I walked back home without anyone holding my hand. What occupied these palms was the last ray of hope that was left for me in this world. If this book didn't work, I'll might as well do myself a favour and jump off a cliff. This world would be a better place without me anyways.

This desert was scorching hot, deserts are the hottest places on earth, aren't they? And yet I had no warmth, my heart was a cold place with no signs of life. Anything that was left of it was uprooted or barely half alive.

That's what I deserve, a person like me doesn't even deserve to see a sky this beautiful.

Life is fair.

My guilty feet shake when I step back into the palace. The camel that the hermit had gifted me walks behind, of course I didn't ride it. How dare I?

My feet deserve to be tortured and my body is meant to see tantalisation, I'm nothing. All I have is a purpose, a purpose to give someone a life that I took from her.

My eyes still refuse to catch a glimpse of that awful grave, what an awful sight. Complete opposite of what lay beneath, this scenery was plain ugliness and didn't belong here.

Namjoon looks at me with both anger and pity, all the other 5 brothers and cousins of yours have been revived. They are overwhelmed to see this world again, they've seen enough as well.

The little cub we once used to carry in our arms is now a little boy, but his eyes are filled with nothing but hatred for me. All he had his entire life was a friend like you, and a person like me had to be so cruel to take that one simple bond away from him.

All eyes look at me, all eyes look down upon me.

I didn't deserve anything.

Here I am, trying to clean whatever's left of you off the floor the best I can. At least I can get rid of the mess that I created in this beautiful place. People like me shouldn't be allowed to enter such majestic places, they're too high up for me.

I swear I'm trying my best, I changed the water so many times. Most of the blood stains are removed, but I can't remove this one mark from a tile. No matter how many times I rub, scrub or wipe. This stain won't come off.

It's unpleasant to look at. It reminds me of you because of course it's yours.

It's been hours, I've been rubbing this tile like a maniac but this one stain won't come off no matter how much I persist. I know people come in through the door behind me and look at me with eyes that feel sorry for me, but it is my duty to clean these stains which won't come off no matter how many times I clean.