Don't go! (XXXTENTACION)

30 - "We missed you."

February 11, 2020
NICKI
I've been so tired lately. I haven't eaten yet, even though I should. As soon as we got home last night, I showered and went straight to sleep. I know that I also should've spoken to Jah, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel dirty - not physically, just generally. Everything that has happened has just made me feel dirty and numb.
I walk out my room after brushing my teeth, and I slowly make my way downstairs. Once reaching the kitchen, I see Jahseh at the table. He quickly notices me, and opens his arms. Though I'm not a fan of physical touch right now, I can't help but go into them. I inhale his scent that I haven't smelled in so long, and we just stay in that position in silence. I take a deep breath and feel a tear on my forehead. I finally look up to see him crying a bit. I frown slightly, and wipe away his tears. "It's okay, I'm here now." I say, slightly above a whisper. My voice is raspy from not talking in so long.
"I know I just.. I can't believe I let you slip away from me like that." He sighs to himself and goes over to the fridge, and I sit at the island. I look down at my hands, and I notice all the cuts and scratches on them and my arms.
     "Stop beating yourself up. It won't help anything." I would've said it's not his fault but it kind of is. I'll never utter those words to him, but truthfully if he never went out with Geneva, this wouldn't have happened. He pulls out food to cook, and my stomach turns at the thought of it. I can't eat.. I just can't.
     "I'm still sorry for everything." I nod and watch as his back flexes as he pulls out the pots and pans. Ski comes down the stairs while I'm still in thought, and he gives me a big hug from behind me.
     "We missed you." He never lets go until I turn around to actually face him and give him a proper hug.
     "I missed you guys as well." My voice is still quiet and shaky, I'm not used to being back in their presence. I inhale his faint scent, and finally pull away. We both have tears in our eyes, and I start to smell the food coming from the stove. Jahseh is still focused on cooking as I hear Amina come in the house. I run to her, showing the most excitement I've shown since I got here. I give her a big hug, and she hugs back with the same amount of energy.
"I can't lose you again and deal with these idiots." I chuckle at her words and bury my head in her neck. Upon pulling apart, I feel Jahseh pulling me into his embrace from behind. Alright now, this becoming too much. I lightly chuckle, and lean back into him, and he places a light kiss on my neck.
"The foods ready." He says lightly into my ear, and I sigh and nod. I make my way back to the kitchen and sit at the bar as Jahseh prepares a plate for me.

A/N: very very short chapter, i'm sorry. i didn't really know how to end this but i wanted to put out something for the first time in forever. writing the next chapter right now though ! love 💛💛