vote and comment ❤️, double update who?? january 16, 2021 (btw dis is the last filler i swear 💀💀)
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"Fucking talk to me please!" I blink. "P-please. Something? Anything?" I blink again. I do want to talk to Stokeley, I do. I just- there's nothing for me to say. I'm sorry? He knows I'm sorry. Hi? That's stupid.
He storms up the stairs frustratingly, filling me with pity and guilt. I didn't mean to make him upset, I just genuinely don't have anything to say to him, or anyone as a matter of fact. I look up to see Nicole standing there. "Hey, when you're done, get some rest. I don't know if you've had a lot lately, but you look tired." I look at her. She cares. She hasn't even been here for a year yet and she cares about me and my well being. I don't know why, I literally treat her like shit. Right when we got closer, I went to jail. While I was there, sure we talked, but once I got out I haven't said a word to her. But she still cares.
I walk back upstairs to my room, taking a deep breath.
Niggers🤪‼️
nicki😌: i'm going on a walk, i'll be back
big daddy stokes 😍:ok don'tbeouttoolate
me: be safe. _________________________________ That's the first time I've texted them since the court. I might not necessarily want to actually have full blown conversations with them in real life, but I can't shut them out completely forever. They're my friends, as much as they need me I need them.
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Jahseh texted, and I'm really happy about it. Sure it wasn't much and it's not like he actually spoke aloud, but he's opening back up a bit. I decide to take a walk to clear my mind and get out of that house. As big and nice as it is, I can't be in there 24/7.
Wanna know something crazy? I did forget about the unknown number. I completely forgot since lately I've just been focusing on Jahseh and everything, and they haven't contacted me for a long time until yesterday. I still don't know who it is, yes I was thinking Geneva but I remember them saying that I'm probably wrong about it, so I don't know.
I continue to walk, not really going anywhere in particular, or so I thought. So how did I end up on my mother's doorstep? I don't know. And how did I end up knocking on the door? I don't know. Autopilot I guess.
"What are you doing here? You have my money?"
"N-no mom. I just wanted to know how you were, I guess?" I don't know why I'm here. She looks drunk, it's a disgusting sight. Her hair is all over, she had makeup on but you can tell she put it on drunkenly, her clothes are wrinkled and stained. Her eyes are droopy, lips chapped.
"Get the fuck out of my face." She slams the door, and I'm not phased. I mean it sucks that my own mother doesn't want to see me unless I can pay for her drugs, but I've become numb to it at this point.
I continue my walk, now at a park. I remember it from when my dad was alive and we'd always come to this park and swing on the swings. It was always so fun and he made me happy, he made me feel that parental love that every child deserves. My mother was sober during this time, I miss it. I sit on the swings, thinking about all of the memories.
"I love you more than the amount of stars in the sky. Now get some sleep, you have school tomorrow. Maybe if your mom lets us we can also get some ice cream and go to the park, okay?" I nod happily, not wanting this moment to end.
"Okay goodnight! Love you." He walks out the room, softly shutting the door. I can still hear them though, and as a nosy 9 year old, I listen into their conversation.
"Who is Jake?"
"Michael it's nobody, let's go to bed."
"No, who is he?" They get louder, but I stop listening. I don't like when they argue. They always get so mad and loud, why can't we just be happy?
- We didn't end up getting ice cream, mommy said no. "Hey, sweetie. Just know, if anything happens to me, I love you."
************************************************ Come to find out my mom was cheating with a guy named Jake. Not surprised.
I begin my walk home, not going too slow or too fast. Luckily I don't get stopped by anybody and I make it home safe, but I was welcomed by the depressed, quiet household.
