Diary of the Crazy Shaniqua Bello

Log Eleven: CUSTOMER CARE

ELEVEN
CUSTOMER CARE

01/01/2022

New Year's Day

3:45 pm

Dear Diary

Elvis is out to get my life!

In a space of 1 hour and some minutes, I've found myself calling over a thousand phone numbers to inform them of my new appointment.

"You have to call all these people; they need to know that I've changed my assistant."

"Yes sir" I nodded with an eager smile on my face until he dropped a Bible of a call log on my thighs and an iPhone 12.

"It contains prepaid unlimited hours of call time and data—so, you shouldn't have problems." He said without betraying any emotion. It's almost beginning to feel like this is some form of punishment or payment for my lack of punctuality.

"Shebi I'll be done by next year?" I said, tightening my lips while averting my eyes from his death glare.

"First of all, what the heck is... 'Shebi' or what did you call it—and what the heck is next year?—you're to be done with this by the end of the day."

"Ah! Modaran!" I exclaimed and tightened my lips afterward.

"What was that?" He looked slowly away from his phone screen at me with a look of irritation on his face.

"It's plenty ni, sir," I responded, throwing him a couple of nervous side glances as I began to dial numbers.

"Save them on your phone too—and I'm seriously going to need you to drop all your Yoruba expressions and theatrics. They are more embarrassing to your personality than amusing and if I hadn't made my proper findings of the credibility of your C.V, I'd have thought you padded it up, cos seriously what's all this unprofessionalism?"

Did he make proper findings? like he called my school to confirm if I was truly a first-class student?—and did he just call this new iPhone mine?

"I'm sorry sir—it's trenches character that—I'm very sorry sir and I'll endeavor with all of my physical ability and mental agility to never let the reoccurrence of unprofessionalism occur anymore," I said in a British accent that made me want to smack my face out of cultural betrayal and shame; judging from the look on his eyes, he wanted to burst out laughing cos the switch though...

"Great...just sound less...false." He threw me a side-eye and the rest of the ride went on with me calling and calling different numbers until the sound of my own voice and even the pronunciation of my name began to irritate me.

"Hello, guid Hafterniuun—I'm Shaniqua Bello from Parkwood group of companies and I'm—not Shaniko ma, it's Shaniqua—yes, I'm his assistant—I don't know what happened with the old one—it's pronounced SHA NI KU WA—I'll let him know—Hello guid Hafterniuun my name is—alright thank you..." and it went on and on until he asked that we stop to get something for him to eat.

Now I think I can see the driver coming down and this must mean that he's done eating. I've got to go as I'm getting paid to be making calls and not writing in a book.

Bye for now Bebi
The customer care agent aka Shaniqua

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