TWENTY-ONE
RUDE & DRUNK
01/01/2022
New Year's Day
9: 20 pm
Dear Diary
Please listen to this conversation and let me know if I was rude.
"Hey there" this is Stupid Elvis by the way, finally realizing that I still existed after smiling and rubbing shoulders with the people who actually EXISTED at the party—or I'm probably overreacting and pissed due to the loss of my phone, so I...
Deafening silence.
"Shankoni—,"
"Shaniqua" I corrected without looking at him, feeling irritated that he didn't pronounce my name right and even more infuriated that he looked like he really didn't know how to. Was I nothing but a grape to him? I thought Aremo the driver said he liked me?
"Is everything alright?"
"Yes"
"You don't look like everything is alright"
"That's because I want to go home—I've lost my phone"
"And that's why you're moody?"
That was when I realized that I was either talking to a fool, an idiot, or just a plain old drunken man.
"Please sir can you borrow me 1k, I'll give you back tomorrow or you can take it out of my salary."
"What's 1k?"
I couldn't help it Bebi, I tried, I tried badly, but I ended up sizing him down unapologetically.
"Please sir, I really need to go."
"What is 1k"
"One thousand naira sir—like the note."
"Gosh! you so ratchet!"
"You say what sir?"
"You're raw, you're ratchet...jeez!"
"Thank you very much, sir, I'll find my way home—goodnight."
"Oh! Get back here." He grabbed me by the arm like I weighed nothing.
"Hope there's no problem sir? I said I need to go home."
"And I seem to think you're too rude."
"I also think you're drunk sir."
"What?"
"Nothing sir. Please I've to go, my mum must be worried about me—it's New Year's Day and I didn't expect to—,"
"Shut up and join me in the car in 5 minutes and hey," he paused and gave me a death glare, "You're too rude, work on it."
Please Bebi, between me and this drunk goat, who's rude?
Bye for now, my five minutes have reash.
The Rude Shaniqua
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YOU ARE READING
Diary of the Crazy Shaniqua Bello
HumorShaniqua Bello is a 24 year old graduate navigating through life in the busy city of Lagos and THIS is her diary.
