Crazy Together

Out Of Pity

Mike's POV

Dear Diary/ piece of paper from Will's notebook

It's currently 00:55, Will, Jonathan and Argyle are all asleep. We'll make it to Utah by tomorrow, and then we'll get Eleven back some time this week.

I'd like to imagine a situation where none of this is happening. Where everything is perfect. If Hopper had never died, and the Byers had never moved, and I had told El that I loved her so she wouldn't have broken up with me. Will would join the Hellfire club and that would make Highschool less miserable. Lucas would have never joined basketball and Max wouldn't be acting weird like she is now. Not that I care about her, but... I don't want bad things to happen to her either.

I wish I could just make everything be right again. With everyone. It seems like the only person that's still the same is Will. Maybe that's not a good thing, tho. He doesn't want things change because he lost his childhood. The best parts, when we were growing up together, he missed it. They wouldve been so much better if he was there, too. Sometimes I think about that. I wish he could have a normal life again.

And El... She doesn't have it easy either. I was the first person to actually talk to her like a normal girl. I don't know if I should have kissed her that first time at school. She was vulnerable, and I was... I just thought that I couldn't let that opportunity pass, you know? She actually liked being around me. And when she went missing, I just wanted to feel that acceptance again. I guess I just saw her as the solution to all my problems, when she had problems too. I really didn't think about that.

Maybe it is better that we're apart now. It gives me a chance to think about all this. If we should even be together. We've grown up and, now, I don't see her the same way I used to before. She's more like a best friend to me. I admire her so much but...

I don't love her. Not like that.

It feels weird to admit that. I've been holding it inside my heart for so long.

I've also been thinking about... The painting that Will made of me. He didn't want to show it to me today. He was making a really big deal out of it. Like he wasn't supposed to have made it, like it was a secret. That confused me a little bit, I'll confess, since he wanted me to see it before.

And I really like it, too. I wonder where the inspiration to paint me came from. It was very... Detailed. Like, even some of my freckles were in the right position. Did he have a picture of me for reference? Did he make it from memory? If so, how much time did he spend looking at me to know so much about my face? This would be a little creepy if it wasn't sweet. I really wanted him to show me the picture. I wanted to see it again.

I really need to make sure no one sees this piece of paper. I'm gonna sleep now.

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It's morning again. I barely slept last night, I only thought about what I wrote. Will woke up early I'm guessing he didn't sleep too well, either. After waking up Jonathan and Argyle, we ate "breakfast", that was actually just cheese sandwiches and juice, and then we continued our traveling. Jonathan was driving now, so we were going slower and hitting less potholes. We arrived at a gas station about 50 miles away from Utah at 2 pm.

— God, I missed walking. I can't even feel my legs anymore — Will said while walking funny, making me chuckle.

— You should probably stay close to the walls, just in case you fall, you know. — I joke. — I'm going in with Jonathan to see if they have anything interesting. Maybe slushies?

— Ooh! Bring me a blue raspberry one, please?

— Sure. — I was trying my best not to seem worried but Will was always able to see right through me. I didn't mind having emotional talks with him, but sometimes I felt like he was tired of hearing me speak. He'd never say it, tho.

Going inside the store, the cashier was a bored teenager twirling gum around her finger, which I found gross but didn't really give a shit about. Jonathan started picking out a few hygiene products such as soap, a few juice boxes and ice ( Argyle luckily had an ice box in his van from the pizza place), and I was looking for the slushie machine.

— Hey, Will? — I said, leaving the convenience store — They don't have blue raspberry, do you want cherry or-

I was interrupted by the sound of sniffles and gentle sobs.

—Will? What's going on?

— Nothing. I'm okay.

— Cmon, talk to me. You can tell me anything, you know that. What's bothering you?

— I... I can't tell you.

— You don't have to be afraid, I could help you. I don't like seeing you sad.

— You didnt mind me being sad before... — He mumbles, but I was still able to make it out.

— What? What do you mean?

— I just... I'm sorry Mike, but all of this is just making me confused.

— All of this?

— You don't talk to me for a whole year, you treat me like shit when you get here, you ignore me, you forget my birthday and the moment El goes missing, I'm your best friend again?

— Your... Birthday? OH. SHIT. OH NO, WILL, I'M SO SORRY! I completely, genuinely forgot, I am so, so sorry!

— Yeah. I'm used to it.

— Will, come on! You know it's not like this.

— Do I, though? Because that's exactly how it seems. You only care about me when your girlf- ex girlfriend isn't around. And when we find her, you're gonna pretend like you don't know me again. Which would be fine if-

...

— If what?

— Nothing. Nevermind. Let's just get back in the van, find out where El is, bring her back and get this over with.

I silently get back in with Will, still trying to wrap my mind around what just happened. Where did that come from? He looked so happy just a few seconds ago... It's like he pushed a button in his head and everything we talked about just vanished from his memories. I told him so much stuff that I hadn't told anyone. I opened up to him, and I apologized, and he accepted my apology, but now he's mad at me again?

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Will's POV

Mike just went in the store with my brother and he's getting me a slushie. It's gonna take a while, and I'm thirsty. I didn't bring my water bottle, but I think Mike brought his.

I pick up his backpack that was on the ground right beside me, and start looking for water. I notice the paper that he asked me to lend him was in there. I wonder what he was writing yesterday. I pick the paper up and unfold it. I give a quick look at it and realize that... It's a diary entry. I should probably put this back before he sees me with it, and I don't want to invade his privacy. That was, until I see my name on it. Right next to the word "painting". So I read the last two paragraphs. My eyes can't stop consuming the words, and now they're full of tears.

Mike knows. He has known for a while. Was he the one that put the painting on the desk? That was when we started to get closer again. The first time we actually talked after everything.

He was doing it out of pity for me. He was lying to me. He didn't want me to be his friend. He was just playing with my feelings. There was no way he didn't know I liked him, who paints a portrait of someone without liking them? He was doing it all on purpose because he knew I liked him and he had pity.

— Hey, Will? — I hear him call me, so I stuff everything back in the bag and leave it where it was. I couldn't hide the fact that I was crying, so I just gave in and let the tears fall.

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