Crazy Together

Mission Complete

The ride after that was noiseless. The quiet allowed Mike to think about what happened, try to place the new information with what he had seen the night before, try to make sense of it. He found that, it just didn't. Will had seemed so calm just a couple hours back. Mike was happy. He was finally truly happy, and hopeful, and complete. Now, his world was crumbling before him.

His memory darted back to the kiss. The kisses. He had spent so many years oblivious, having no clue what those strange feelings meant, but trying to find them when he was with El - and only being able to get a fraction of them. Being with El was easy. Too easy. It felt almost forced, like someone had hand-picked him a random girl and said 'this is your girlfriend now'. They cared about each other deeply, they had attraction, but no chemistry. No history either. It was nothing like how it was with Will.

That, oh, that was different. It was still easy, but for completely different reasons. The boys had found on each other their homes, they had grown together, they had faced hell and overcame it together. And, the night before, they were, finally, together. But good things don't last, Mike presumes, because the warmth he had felt when his lips met Will's and his whole world was turned upside down, when he thought he had reached the point where everything was going to get better, it was all an illusion. He was feeling all those feelings alone, and Will's thoughts were probably things such as 'I hope this is over soon' or 'I can't wait to leave this place'. He was mistaken when he thought that Will could actually still love him back after all the hurt he inflicted. He doesn't blame him, though. It's only fair.

Maybe he should've seen the signs that were there. When Mike kissed Will for the first time, Will cried. And, when the kiss deepened, Will was quick to say they should go back to sleep. The biggest sign of them all, that Mike had also missed, was when Will ran away from him, leaving him alone (with Argyle) in his hotel room, after already agreeing to spend the rest of the night. God, how could he have been so stupid? It was all in front of him.

What hurt the most, he supposed, was the thought that he had made Will uncomfortable. That they had done things that Will didn't want to do, but maybe he felt pressured to. Mike would never, in a million years, want to force anyone to do anything with him, but he unawarely did. He kissed Will and invited him to his room, and the boy clearly didn't want to go (and he ended up not going), but he still agreed to it.

Why would he do that? Didn't he know that he could've just said no? Maybe he didn't want things to be awkward, or maybe he didn't want to upset Mike. Or... Maybe... He was afraid? As if Mike would do something to... Hurt him, if he didn't. Jesus, did he really think that? Mike didn't really think he was an aggressive person, but maybe that's not how everyone saw him. What else had Will agreed to do out of fear of what Mike could do to him?

Neither Will nor Mike had any idea if the older boys in front of them had heard their precocious breakup. Could it even be called a breakup? It felt like one. No, it felt like a million breakups happening all at once. Mike didn't just loose his possible boyfriend. He lost his best friend. All of that could've been avoided if Mike had only figured his shit out earlier.

He was so afraid of even the thought of being with Will. And now, it was the only thing he wanted, and he couldn't have it, because Will had moved on from him.

There has never been and never will be someone for Mike like Will is. Their connection was immediate from the moment they met each other on the swings, they know all of each other's secrets, what makes each other laugh and what makes them cry, they've always been exactly what each other needed. Even when they didn't have each other, they were what was missing. Will felt sad, vulnerable, lonely. Mike felt like he needed to protect. He needed to be needed.