Crazy Together

Diary - Part Three

Tw: mention of self harm.

Will's POV

- We need to talk, don't we?

Those words sent shivers down my spine. Im so scared. Of what Mike will think of me, of what I'll have to say to him. This might be the day where I tell him my feelings. And come out at the same time. I don't know if I'm ready.

Mike sat on the bed by my side, still looking at me.

Will - What do you wanna talk about?

Mike - I wanted to ask some questions, is that okay?

- ... Okay.

- When did all of this... Begin?

Tw: mention of self harm.

- I... I did it the first time about a few months after the mind flayer. When I still felt him around, I'd get overwhelmed - I felt a few tears run down my cheeks - I guess that was the only way I'd stop feeling that way...

- Why didn't you tell me anything? I could've tried to help you.

- I don't know... I haven't told anyone. I don't know if it's because I was ashamed or... I was afraid I'd have to stop. I know it's hard to understand but that was the only way to make everything go away. Not just the upside down stuff but everything. All the things that made me sad and angry. All the bad thoughts.

- I'm not sure of what to do now. I'm not going to tell anyone. But I think you should, at some point. This is not healthy. Those bad thoughts, you need help to make them go away. Really go away, without having to do this. I'm not sure how, but I think there are doctors for this? Uh, therapists.

Mention of self harm over

- Mike, I'm scared. - I sob - I don't think I can tell anyone.

- Hey, it's ok, all right? You don't have to think about this right now. And don't worry about our fight, okay? I'm not mad anymore. I forgive you. If you'll forgive me.

- What?

- I was mean to you, Will. For so long. I was a bad friend, and I shouldn't have looked at your painting. It was your privacy too. I understand why you got angry at me. And people make mistakes, you were curious, just like I was. But please, don't ever think anyone or anything could ever replace you. You're my best friend, and that's never going to change.

After saying those words, Mike did something I wasn't expecting. He hugged me, again. The last time he had done this, I found out I was in love with him. This time, though...

This time he would find out.

- Mike. There's something else I need to say.

- Okay.

- Remember... - I tried to collect my thoughts, organize them in a way that would be easier for him to understand. - Remember that time we fought? It was raining...

- Oh. Yeah. I do.

- You know that thing you said?

- ... I'm so sorry about that, Will. I should've never said anything like it. It made me sound like Troy.

- Yeah... Well, the thing is... You weren't completely wrong.

- What do you mean?

- I... - Well, here it goes. The moment I've been dreading for like, four years. - I don't like girls. I like boys.

- Oh. I... Don't know what to say. That's... I mean... I don't know what to say.

- Is that okay? Oh no, do you hate me? - I started to think out loud.