Crazy Together

Diary - Part One

TW: Self harm (detailed)

Mike's POV

Back in the van once again, everything was still quiet. Will's face was puffy, his nose was red, he looked angry. He wouldn't look at me. The older boys were talking to each other about... Whatever. I really couldn't focus on that. I wanted to apologize to Will but I think that would make him even more mad.

I noticed he was scratching his arm with nails, and it was getting red. He was crying silently, just tears streaming down his face and hitting the floor.

Once he saw that I was looking at him though, he stopped. He crossed his arms loosely on his lap and kept his head turned away from me.

I had an idea.

Wills POV

I was trying avoid Mike at all costs. It was hard since he was sitting right beside me. All I could think about was that he lied to me. He must think I'm pathetic. I'm so stupid. My mind drifted to our conversations. How he said so much emotional stuff. Did he lie about that too? He was awful to me last year. Just, terrible. He couldn't talk about anything other than El. He wouldn't put any effort into being with me, even when she "dumped his ass".

That was when we had that fight. When he said those 8 words to me and my world collapsed. I actually may have forgotten he said that. I guess I wanted to pretend that he didn't. But he did. That means he knew by then. And he's been treating me like shit all this time while he knew.

(Warning : self harm mention)

I feel a sting on my arm. I didn't realize I was scratching it so heavily. I stop as soon as I see Mike looking at me with a worried expression.

I never told anyone this but, sometimes, when I get too angry or too sad or things are too much I...
I cut myself. Not on the wrists, that would be too easy to notice. I try to make it shallow enough so it can go away easier but still distract me from my own thoughts. I used to be scared when I did it, but now I'm more used to it. If my mom found out she would freak out. I worry more about this than about her knowing I like boys.

(Self harm mention over)

I get pulled away from my thoughts with Mike nudging my arm lightly and giving me a note.

I look at it, look at him, back at it and I take it from his hand. I hesitated before opening it.

_______________________________________

I know you don't want to talk to me right now. I'm not sure why youre mad at me again but I understand. I really was acting like a jackass and I get why you think I'm trying to replace El with you. But I really am not. I care about you Will, no matter if El wants to date me or not. And I hope we can talk soon. I hate to see you cry, specially if it's because of me.

_______________________________________

I crumpled the piece of paper and threw it at the back of the van. I can't believe he actually said that. He's such an asshole. He thinks he can manipulate me just so that I'll run after him like a puppy or something. He only talks to me to feed his ego.

---------------------//-------------//--------------------

A couple hours later, we arrived at Utah. Jonathan and I were going to go to a library see if we could find Suzie's address. Mike kept looking at me the whole way here, but he didn't say a word. It's better like that. I hopped out of the vehicle, trying my best not to look back at him. Even though I'm pissed, I still love him. And I hate that.