Crazy Together

Heartbreak

(a/N) before reading, here's some tws: suicide and self harm thoughts, Major heartbreak. If you cry easily, cw for this one bc it's extra sad. That being said, enjoy the reading and don't forget to vote if you liked it!!!

Will was laying on his bed, his eyes stuck on the only part of the window that wasn't covered by the curtain. He wasn't mostly paying attention to it, engulfed by the web of his thoughts that he spent the rest of the night weaving. Some, he was able to push back, but others hit the front of his brain with such impact that they poured over in the form of silent tears.

It took slamming the door to his hotel room closed and being completely sorrounded by darkness for it to finally sink in. All the emotions he trained himself to block. All the thoughts, the realization, it didn't come to him immediately because his mind was used to pretending nothing was real when he was around Mike, as a defense mechanism.

Of course, he felt intensely, when they kissed or when Mike told him about Argyle knowing, but it was almost like Will thought he would wake up at any time, so he didn't even have to try to act 'reasonably' and numb like he did, as if it was a only common situation. As if he hadn't been in love with the boy for the last seven years.

The matter of fact is, when the door locked behind him, everything came to life. Overwhelmingly taking over his body, that was shaking while sliding down the wall to reach the floor while he sobbed as quietly as he could.

Mike. His Mike. Was in love with him, Will Byers. What could he have done to deserve that? It was a bitter feeling on the back of his throat, because he knew he didn't. What would he do with that?

It's not like Mike asked him to be his boyfriend, but the feeling of urgency was still hanging in the air, and he felt like he had to make a decision right now or else he would explode. He needed to decide whether or not he was worthy of accepting Mike's love.

Was it even that yet? Maybe Mike got confused again, and thought his platonic feelings or beginning of romantic ones were way more than they were actually. And even if they were, what about El? How would she feel about all this? Betrayed? Angry? Disappointed? Would she hate Will for it? He wouldn't be able to hide it, not with Argyle there. That man could spill the beans to anyone at any moment.

All of these options swirling together inside his head making him dizzy, but it helped dissipate the previous panic-like atmosphere; and that was enough for him to be able to get into his assigned bed, so he could at least cry into a soft pillow.

It's no secret that Will is an emotional, creative, sensible person. He's good with perspectives, not only in his drawings, but where most people fail to have compassion; putting themselves in the others shoes. Will is a comprehensive teenager, he understands people's emotions 99 out of 100 times.

Except, he doesn't understand his own. And sometimes, he can project his feelings onto people that are in a similar situation, and that's when things go south in the issue at hand. Because Will has never had a different perspective on romantic love. He's only ever loved one person, and he has only ever felt the painful side of loving; and right now, Will believes that if Mike is in love with him, then that means he is suffering.

And what does it matter if Will has suffered his whole life because of Mike? He probably deserved to be unrequited. He's only himself, there's nothing special about him. Not even the fact he survived in an alternate dimension for a whole week with an irrational monster creature hunting him specifically, and not the fact that he's the most selfless person in his whole friend group, or the fact that, a couple years ago, he meant so much to his best friend, that the boy jumped off a cliff to have the chance to save him. None of that matters, because Will thinks he doesn't deserve Mike's love, and Mike shouldn't be suffering because of him. Because Will thinks so lowly of himself, he'd rather not exist than have someone waste their time, emotions, and tears on him.