The Loverboy

Broken

*Trigger Warning*

I woke up to have the sun shining through my curtains. I could hear birds singing and the house was nice and warm. I looked over beside me to see Ashton's sleeping body. His arm was lazily thrown over my torso. He was lightly snoring and his chest was going up and down slowly. His hair was all in his face, and a little drool fell from his mouth. He slowly opened his eyes and met them with mine.

"Good morning baby" He mumbled, wiping the drool from his mouth and pulling me in closer to his body. Suddenly I remembered it all. The phone call, the waiting, the last 'I love you.' I remembered that Tyler was gone. I remembered Ashton took me home and said he would never leave me again. I curled up into Ashton's chest and began to cry. Because everybody loves to start their day by crying because they remembered one of their best friends died.

Ashton rubbed my back soothingly and hugged me tightly. "I know. I know. It hurts." He said. "We're gonna get through this, okay? I know, it's painful." "He's gone. He's really gone." I cried into his chest. "There there, let it all out. There you go." Ashton waited for me to finish crying before I excused myself to the bathroom. I didn't understand why God took Tyler away from us. He was a good kid, he never did anything wrong because he was mom and dad's favorite.

I quietly got out the razor blades from the day Ashton broke up with me. The fact that Tyler was gone totally replaced the happy thought of Ashton being with me and being with me. I completely forgot about the promise I made to Tyler. I moved the bracelet he gave me out of the way and sliced the blade across my wrist. Silent tears fell down my face as the blood trickled down, just like the first time.

"Rowan?" Ashton asked, knocking on the door. "What are you doing in there?" "Nothing" I answered, quickly hiding my new cuts and flushing the toilet even though I hadn't used it. I just wanted Ashton to thing I had a stomach ache or something so he would not suspect what was really going on.

I crawled back on my bed and pulled the blankets over me. I began to cry again into my pillow. "Please, don't cry. He's in a better place, baby." Ashton said, trying to convince me to look at things from the bright side. In my opinion, there was no bright side to this situation. My little brother and best friend was ripped away from me, without any fair warning. He was totally healthy, he was a safe driver, and a good kid in general. Nothing he did was bad, he was an angel child. He didn't deserve to die.

"Ashton, I think you should leave..." I sobbed. "Why?" He whispered. "Please... I just need to be alone.." I whispered. Ashton looked saddened but he understood. He slowly threw his stuff in his bag, put on a shirt, and left. I didn't want or mean to push him away. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted him to hold me, but my body was deciding for me. There I was, laying in my bed alone, crying over the loss of my brother. Nothing could be worse than this.

For the entire weekend, I stayed in my room. I didn't eat, I didn't bathe or shower, I just laid there. My body wasn't responding. It didn't want to. Tyler's funeral was the next saturday, and I knew that I would have to speak. I didn't have the slightest idea of what I would say. I knew I would figure it out later. "Rowan?" My mom whispered, knocking on the door lightly. She let herself in, knowing I wouldn't say anything. "You have some visitors, baby" She said. "Tell them to go away." I mumbled. This wasn't me talking. This was the depressed spirit that came into my life the day Ashton broke up with me. You would expect part of that spirit to go away after Ashton decided to give me another chance, but it only got worse.

My mom ignored me and let Ashton, Luke, Michael, and Calum in. They all sat down on the bed next to me. Ashton pulled me up into his lap, and stroked my hair. "WHY?!" I yelled, beginning to cry. "We don't know, Rowan..." Luke mumbled, taking my hand and rubbing circles in it with his thumb. "This is all a part of life I guess..." Calum stated. Michael nodded.

I couldn't ever get used to this. There was just no way.

A/N- BIG NEWS!!!!!!!!!!! this is the second to last chapter!!!!!!!! Yes, I know!!! But before you start crying (you probably won't) listen closely. (or read closely haha) PART TWO is going to be in this book!!!!!!! This is going to be a three or four part story all in this one book. So part one is over the next chapter and then part two starts!!!! YAY! keep voting and commenting!