Not Quite as Planned

What Am I Doing Wrong?

   Over the next few weeks I've noticed a difference in Hitoshi, and it's definitely one I won't complain about. I've noticed that he's become a hell of a lot more comfortable around me. The main difference is that he's stopped wearing hoodies and sweatpants 24/7, changing into tshirts and shorts most of the time we're alone. It makes me extremely happy to see him be so comfortable and to let me see the parts of him that he doesn't really feel all that confident in, even if I find him absolutely perfect.
Last week Hitoshi and I went to my 4 month appointment. My ob-gyn said that everything seemed normal but that the baby was still on the smaller side. She keeps telling me that it's nothing to worry about but I can't help but worry and feel like I'm doing something wrong. Another thing she told me is that around sometime later in the week I should be able to feel the baby start moving.
   As the week progressed I've gotten more and more anxious that I haven't felt anything. Now that the following week's rolled around I've felt as if my mind was constantly going back to I'm doing something wrong and that there's something I need to change, though I don't know what that would be. I started eating a lot more and I'm doing everything that my ob-gyn is telling me to do but I still felt as if nothing was helping. Hitoshi's doing his best to help keep me calm but not even what he's doing is helping all that much.
   Today when my alarm woke up I dreaded the fact that I had classes. It was a Tuesday which meant my day was even longer at that, the only plus being I'd get to work with Hitoshi later as we have our last group assignment we have to do for psychology as our final. This is the last week of the semester and I'm actually pretty sad about it, I'm going to miss a couple of my classes.
When I finally got the will to move I got out of bed before I convinced myself to sleep all day and walked over to my closet, grabbing a pair of Hitoshi's clothes as they're bigger and mine are starting to get tight. Once I was changed I went out to the kitchen, finding Eijiro standing at the stove. He turned his head and looked at me, a wide smile on his face, "Hey Bakubro, want some pancakes? They're almost done."
I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a glass and the milk carton, "Sure, thanks." I replied, going over to the table and taking my seat. I started pouring myself a glass of milk as Eijiro sat a plate in front of me, I thanked him again as I pushed the carton over to his side of the table.
   After eating and finishing up my conversation with Eijiro I headed out the door and to my first class, not wanting to be late. The second I closed the door I looked over and saw Hitoshi waiting for me. "What the hell do you want Eyebags?" I asked, starting my walk to class.
   "I wanted to stop by and check on you seeing as I couldn't stay over last night." Hitoshi replied, grabbing onto my hand.
   I sighed, "I'm fine Hitoshi, you don't have to worry about me."
   "Kat-"
   "I said I'm fine. Drop it." I snapped, not wanting to bother with his interrogations right now. I walked away from him, picking up my pace and beelining to class.
Professor Yamada gave me a strange look when I walked in but he didn't say anything, he just let me be. "Goodmorning Kacchan, are you alright? You look-"
"Can it Deku, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit." I snapped. I usually don't snap at Deku when we're in school but right now I just can't fucking help it.
"R-Right. Sorry Kacchan." Deku replied, never taking a second glance at me.
As class started I did my best to focus on my work but my mind always ended drifting back to where it's been this entire week. At some point I ended up sliding my hand into my hoodie pocket and started to slowly move my thumb across my abdomen, holding back tears while just hoping that I'd be able to feel something.
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   "Katsuki, can I talk to you for a second?" Professor Yamada asked as I was leaving class.
   "Yeah, what's going on?"
   He waited until everybody had left the room, turning to me with a serious look in his eye. "As family, not as your professor, what's going on? You look so sad, you have since last week. Toshi won't tell us anything and Sho and I are both worried about you."
   "I'm f-"
   "Don't try to tell me that you're fine Katsuki, I can tell just by looking at you that you're not. Tell me what's going on, please?" Hizashi asked, his eyes full of concern.
   I don't know why but in that moment I broke, the facade that I was putting up falling apart immediately. Tears started falling down my face and I couldn't stop them. Hizashi pulled me into a hug and I was quick to cling onto him like my life depended on him.
"I-I don't know what I'm doing wrong Hizashi." I started, the words just falling out of my mouth, "The doctor's told me at every single appointment that the baby's smaller than it should be and that I shouldn't be worrying about it but I can't help but worry. I have to be doing something wrong. S-She told me that I should've started feeling movements last week but there's been nothing. I-I have to be doing something wrong. Otherwise-"
Hizashi pulled me closer to him, my head resting on his chest. "Easy there kiddo, relax, alright? Catch your breath a little bit then we can talk a little better, yeah?" Hizashi suggested. I nodded and took his advice, taking the next few minutes to calm myself down. "You can't be stressing yourself out like that kid, it's not good for you."
"I-I know, I'm sorry. It's just-" I looked up at Hizashi who had nothing but a kind and gentle look on his face, the face of a father trying to comfort his child.
   "I know that it's scary Katsuki. I may not know anything about pregnancy but I do know that you need to stay calm and to trust your doctor. I also know that for every person it's different, they may just be developing a little slower. Give it some time kid, if nothing changes within the next week/week and a half go back and get everything checked out again. Can you do that?"
   I nodded, rubbing at my eyes. "Y-Yeah, I think I can manage that."
   Hizashi pulled me back into a hug, "Good. If you ever need to get away or need anything Shota and I are here for you, you also know that Hitoshi's right there whenever you need him, right?"
   "I know, I'm trying not to make him worry too much though." I replied.
   "Let him worry about you if it'll take some of the stress off of you, what matters most is keeping you as calm and relaxed as possible. Talk to him, let him know what you're thinking, let him be there for you. Got it?"
   "Y-Yes sir." I told him, Hizashi backing away from me with a smile.
   "Perfect. I'm going to write you a note to excuse you if you end up being late and send you on your way, alright?" Hizashi asked while handing me the note. I nodded and thanked him before heading towards the door. "Don't forget what I've told you alright? I meant every word."
   I turned to look at Hizashi before opening the door, "Right, thank you Hizashi, it means I lot." I told him before walking out the door without a second glance.