Wishing I Could Save Myself from a Life I Despise: My Shadowed Life Series

Chapter 26: Conflicted Silence

Oh my drama... you're in for it now!! ... there is a bit of abuse in this chapter :(

I love this song... it kind of fits, but not really, but it is epically awesome!

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Recap chap 25:

How could he still love me after hearing all of that? How could anyone love a girl who was beaten, raped and impregnated by her father and killed her own baby out of shame and disgust?

It was too much for him to endure. In that moment, I knew I had lost him. Carl was still slowly torturing me, even though I hadn’t laid eyes on him in weeks. I was never going to get past this, I was never going to be free and I was never going to be loved.

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Chapter 26: Conflicted Silence

It was minutes, maybe ten minutes, that passed and Max just sat there silently staring at me and then staring off into space. Why was he not talking to me? I made several attempts to get his attention, but he didn’t acknowledge me in the slightest.

His intense lapis blue eyes shinned with flowing silver as he searched mine relentlessly. What was he looking for? What was he thinking? I tried to enter his head, but I was refused. So much sadness and anguish was held in those two glowing orbs that it was almost painful to look at.

He was so silent, too silent for my liking which unnerved me and made my heart tremble with fear. He hated me and what I had done. There was no other explanation for his odd behavior. At first I thought he was shocked, perhaps overwhelmed, but now that I see the dark and distant look in his eyes, I know that it is so much more than that, so much worse.

He leaned into me and abruptly pulled up my shirt and pushed my jeans down on my hips. What the hell was Max doing? He pressed his fingers against my lower abdomen and brushed his fingertips lightly across the scar I had given myself two years ago when I stabbed myself and killed the monster child that was growing in me. I was disgusted by the thought, the memory, of what my father had forced on me, what he had forced me to do to myself.

Never before had I been in such misery as when I decided to end the innocent life, to kill the abomination that grew steadily inside of me, until the moment that the story left my lips and I saw the disgusted and pained look in Maxim’s eyes. He really did hate me and I couldn’t blame him for that. My heart was filled with unimaginable pain, as he silently felt the wound I had inflicted on myself. My body wanted to react with shivers of excitement from his touch, but I couldn’t manage any another reaction than the pure and utter distain I held for myself.

I never regretted the choice that I had made, just the fact that I had been pushed to make it. I knew there was no chance I could have survived without Tristan and there was no desire for me to have brought up a child that my father had so cruelly put inside of me. If it belonged to anyone else, even Chester, then I wouldn’t have done it. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t live with the daily reminder that my father had repeatedly and brutally raped me, which came in the form of a child.

I was ripped from my thoughts by the loss of his touch. He shuffled, leaning closer and placed the faintest of kisses on my forehead before he rushed out of the room without so much as a word, an acknowledgement. The door slammed behind him with a thunderous crack that made the walls shudder and shake. He was unimaginably pissed, and it was because of me.