Wishing I Could Save Myself from a Life I Despise: My Shadowed Life Series

Chapter 15: That's Just How I Would Describe Me

It's Max & Trini time :) Please enjoy!

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Recap chap 14:

“Trini-boo, why? Why didn’t you tell me? Oh my God I’m so sorry. That bastard, that fucking bastard! Shit, you’re his daughter! I’m so sorry he did this to you.” He ranted with a mix of concern, venom and anger so thick in is voice that I was almost frightened. I was frightened for what he would do, and what would be done to him.

His hold on me softened and as my tears slowed, I saw that he had salty wetness in his eyes as well. He was in pain, so much pain. I was selfish to have told him, but equally as selfish to have kept it from him.

In his head, he was punishing himself silently, for not knowing and not being able to stop it, while in my mind, I had my own silent punishment of a different kind.

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Chapter 15: That’s Just How I Would Describe Me

After getting up and pacing the floor, after the initial shock of my confession had worn off, Maxim settled uncomfortably next to me on the bed. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but he just looked at me with eyes that spoke volumes about what was going on in his mind. His eyes held pain and sadness along with sympathy and concern, but what baffled me most about what I thought I saw in them, was wonder. Why would he look at me with anything other than disgust and revulsion? Why would eyes look at me that way, with awe, like I was something to be worshipped?

That is where he stayed, sitting silently next to me. He faced me and still looked at me in that same way, until I could no longer take his silence. Yes, it was hard for me to understand just what he was thinking, but I had been so honest with him and thought he was going to at the very least, comment on the subject.

“Max, please say something. You’re really freaking me out right now.” I remarked while laying a hand on his shoulder. I felt calm and relaxed which seemed odd for the intensity of the situation and the moment. My necklace felt warm on my skin a few seconds after I our skin touched, but I cast that aside, keeping my attention on Maxim and his strange reaction to my revelation.

“Trinity, I don’t know what to say.” He replied with a thoughtful and compassionate smile. It conveyed how much he wanted to help me, but had no idea how to even begin. This was not exactly the response I was prepared for.

“It’s okay, there’s not much you can say. It is what it is. I can’t change it and I certainly can’t stop it, I’ve tried.” I responded with a sad smile, when the thought of my brother and his reaction to this same knowledge entered my head.

“How long has this been going on cheri?” He asked without hesitation. Again, his reaction didn’t fit into the mold that I had anticipated. I didn’t want to go into the details but for some reason I felt as though this question deserved an answer. It was either that, or it was the freaky automatic response that he always got from me.

“It’s been going on since I was 16.” I responded casually.

It had taken quite some time to build up the walls around me so that I could hide all of the dirty secrets from the world. Those walls helped me hold back the pain, made me numb to an extent. Talking about it wasn’t easy, but it didn’t have the same effect on me as it did when I confessed to Tristan. Maybe it was Max, maybe we had some messed up connection after all.

“Four years cheri and you never told anyone. You never told Gabe? Why, why would you keep something like that a secret?” He questioned passionately. I got the feeling that the disappointment in is voice was not directed at the fact that I was dirty and used, but at the fact that I let it continue, without trying to get some outside help.