Wishing I Could Save Myself from a Life I Despise: My Shadowed Life Series

Chapter 8: Why Did You Do It

Here is the next installment & it is full of Trinity & Mystery man!!! You will find out his name at the end... any guesses??

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Don't forget to read my other stories as well, they are all posted today :)

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Chapter 8: Why Did You Do It

I stared guiltily into his deep blue eyes thinking about how shitty my entire life had become in the past 5 years. I had failed once again, not that I expected anything less. What can I do right, if I can’t even kill myself the right way? How did this happen yet again?

For some unknown reason he smiled a sad smile down at me which made me feel all the worse. I couldn’t understand why that was. It wasn’t like I knew this guy and it wasn’t like he knew me. I was just some random fucked up girl he had chosen to pity for whatever reason. I felt sort of ashamed by my actions and the fact that I knew I would have to explain them.

That was something I had no desire to do. After all, how do you fit ‘my dad is a murderer and rapist and oh yeah, my alcoholic, drug addict boyfriend beats the shit out of me daily and sometimes rapes me too’ into pleasant conversation? Some things are better left unsaid.

Not to mention the pity that he would undoubtedly feel, followed by the fierce urge to protect me. I didn’t need protecting, I needed death. There is no protecting me. Anyone who has tried has ended up dead themselves.

That is why I am so adamant about Dr. Gabe staying out of my business. He is the only one, aside from Mr. Stalker who I am beginning to think is just a split personality of mine, who has ever shown any care or concern in the last two years.

I can’t let anything happen to Gabe. This is precisely why I can never tell him the truth.

“Cheri, how are you feeling?” Mystery man said while softly stroking my forehead. Why would he do that and why would he even care to ask? Clearly I am insane. I think I have proven that with certainty.

“I’m a little disappointed actually.” I announced without thinking. What is wrong with me? Here I go again, answering his questions without thinking.

“Disappointed… disappointed by what?” He questioned with the strangest look on his face. This guy really did not want to know the answer to that.

“That I’m still alive. I never get it right, no matter how many times I try.” The words just spilled out and I averted my gaze as a sad and shocked expression played on his face.

“Why would you even say that?” He asked with surprise and something that looked like hurt written all over his face. His deep blue eyes carried many emotions.

“Look, I really don’t want to get into the woes of my life with someone I barely know.” I responded, proud that for at least once, I didn’t confess my life story to him automatically.

“Then at least tell me cheri, why did you do it?” He questioned with that same intense stare. I didn’t want to respond to that, but I again, felt oddly compelled.

“It’s just that, I’ve been through so much shit in my life and I can’t take it anymore. My life isn’t really worth anything anyway so…” I trailed off, feeling a little guilty for confessing to him. My problems were not his problems, and I would never let them be. This was so fucked up, all of it. I was tired, just so tired of feeling afraid and broken and used.

“Don’t think like that. It isn’t true. You are worth so much more than you realize.” He murmured softly, bringing his face closer to mine to search my eyes for a hint of understanding. Here we go. This is the part where he tries to get into my pants. Great! He’s just like all the rest of them. I should have known.