𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝙊𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝙎𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙀 ᵉᵈᵈⁱᵉ ᵐᵘⁿˢᵒⁿ

☼ 4

; I M A G E S
waves by DEAN LEWIS

Matilda had never been a social butterfly, not even before family names, clothes or houses started to mean something. She'd always preferred being by herself, not relying on others, keeping the peace by not sharing her emotions, thoughts or feelings.

The problem with this technique was, that it was bound to break. She was bound to break. She remembered her first panic attack only faintly. She had been sitting in the back of a car, on the way to a place she'd liked to never return to. It had just happened. Nothing anyone could've done. And there she'd lain, breathing shakily and crying harshly, as her parents tried to calm her down. Somehow, in her memory, their voices almost seemed benevolent. Kind. But she knew they hadn't been. They'd yelled at her, telling her to get her act together – all the things they'd been telling her up until a few weeks ago.

Because of the lack of parental support and understanding, Matilda had never developed a sense of self awareness. She couldn't tell how to deal with the things she was feeling. That was why she never talked to anyone. She couldn't deal with her own thoughts, not to mention the thoughts of others. She'd convinced herself she was better off alone.

All of this was completely contrary to what she was about to start. A job in itself had seemed impossible up until this month, but actually interacting with customers? Answering questions? Giving recommendations for things she knew nothing about? Definitely a scenario she'd encountered in her nightmares before.

But she had been left with no choice, so she ignored the urge to walk up to Eddie to quit before she'd even started and sat down in her usual seat. She noticed him glancing at her now and then, but she did her best to ignore him. She didn't need the influence of his social status, but mostly, he didn't need hers.

"Hey, no headline today, only a small sub article. Kind of disappointing. I was so excited to read about what a disrespectful little bitch you are", Jason whispered from behind her and suddenly Matilda remembered why she hated Biology so much. With cells, photosynthesis and enzymes she could deal; Jason? Not so much.

"Don't worry, I'll be back on tomorrow. Gotta keep the fans hooked", she replied, not turning around. While she didn't want to encourage him to keep pestering her, she also refused to leave his snarky comments unacknowledged, as if they were true.

She heard him chuckle darkly and rolled her eyes. She noticed Eddie's look, but refused to give him the opportunity to intervene in the small argument. It wasn't worth it.

"Hey, Matilda", Chrissy suddenly greeted and sat down next to Matilda. She silently put her books on the table and, to Matilda's amusement, didn't acknowledge Jason. "It's really weird without you at cheer practice. Tina can't hold up a pyramid for the life of her", Chrissy chuckled, politely trying to make conversation. She was a pleasant person to be around, even though Matilda didn't like the habit of always trying to be friends with everyone. While it was probably great to not be involved in much drama, there was probably not much room for opinions either.