All I've ever wanted

9

Sebastian POV:

She's breathtakingly beautiful. 

Long black straight hair, which she dyed, all the way to her waist. Dark blue jean skirt with a white crop top that shows her curves and belly piercing. Tattoos for days dancing on her skin. A smile, that can light up the dark sky.

I'm watching her dance right now with Sean. Moving her hips against his. What's his deal?What's going on there? I've never seen them do the things they've done tonight. Like when he kissed her, I wanted to grab him and smash his face.

He's one of my best friends though. She's just a girl.

We left the bathroom an hour ago. I can't believe we kissed in front of everyone.

The past three years, and the way I feel for her has never changed.

I mean I don't show it, I'm an asshole. Plus I do hate her.

I have a reputation to uphold and I can't afford distractions. This year, my final year in college and then it's all about the draft baby. I've been working for it my whole life. It's all I've ever wanted.

Then why do I feel so sad? Every day I mask my true feelings because men can't show their emotions.

Men have to be strong.

I feel like I'm missing something in my life.
I mean I have everything. School, basketball, money, girls.

I fuck women left and right to stifle my emotions. But it never works. That's why there's so many. It gets the job done, but it doesn't fulfill a purpose for me. They're nothing special.

The only special person I've ever had close to having, I let go.

I let her go for my selfish reasons.

When she walked away, it took every ounce of me to not chase after her. The boys know what I did that night and they weren't happy with it either but they knew why I did it. At the pace we were going, I knew I would eventually fall for her. So I did what any other idiot does when handling their emotions wrong, I made her hate me.

Instead of being with her, I picked up two easy blonde chicks and pretended like I would sleep with them. Not going to lie, it did cross my mind before she even blew up on me but after I did. I slept with both and I felt like the most horrible person in the world.

It didn't in fact help me make me feel better or lose feelings for her.

It did the exact opposite.

She's always been the one that got away.

So that's what I've been doing with girls, fucking them and then leaving them. They're not worthy of my time.

No one is.

I'm going through too much to handle anyone else.

A feel a hand  being placed on my thigh and drag me out of my thoughts. It's the red head from earlier. What was her name again Sarah? Savannah? I don't fucking care.

I turn my head to look at her and she has so much makeup on. Her eyes might as well be black because she looks like a raccoon. Her lipstick is smeared. Her tits are huge and drowning in that tight pink dress she has on. We had sex once or twice last year. She's the only girl I've slept with more than once. But that's just it, we're only fucking. Damn I don't even know her name.

She starts kissing my neck and I get a sniff of her perfume and it smells like a funeral home. Mierda. Shit

I can't do this tonight. Not after kissing Camila. And dammit I was not suppose to kiss Camila.

But she was right there and I couldn't help myself. Everything in my being wanted her, I wanted to devour her and if I could do it everyday I would.

She's a sinful little thing. I've heard stories of what she's done these past few years and it's not like the angel I use to know.

I push the redhead off of me and get up and walk towards Camila.

Mi Bella.

I have an idea and let's see if she's up to it.

Smirking I step infront of her and ask "would you like to go back to my room?"

She scoffs and steps back "you got a little something right there" and points to my neck.

I touch my neck and feel sticky goo on me which must have been the lipgloss of this girl. Fuck.

That's disgusting. I wipe it off and with the back of my hand and make a mental note to take a shower right away.

Sean snickers "why does she need to go to your room? She's coming up to mine." He wraps his arm around her waist from behind and pulls her to his chest.

My eyebrows raise because I was not expecting that. He's definitely high as fuck right now and far from sober. I look at Camila and she smirks at him, holds onto his arm and doesn't say anything else and looks at me.

I don't want to assume anything so I'm just going to go. "I'll be in my room if you need me."

The party is dying down anyways and there's no girls here I'm remotely interested in. I head upstairs, go to my room take out my key and unlock my door. Yes, we lock our doors here because we don't want people using our rooms as a hookup spot. Or worse steal shit, which has happened before.

I go in, start taking off my clothes, take a quick shower and put on grey sweatpants, brush my teeth, and lay on the middle of my bed with my arms behind my head.

I sigh and close my eyes and listen to the beat of the music die down, voices disappear and all I hear is the tic of my ceiling fan spinning at high speed.

I drift off to a peaceful sleep dreaming about the one girl I'll never be able to have.

~

A/n:
More of a filler chapter and to know what he's thinking now!

Thank you so much for reading!

mamaafterdark❤️‍🔥