Lost [bts; k.t.]

23 - Mom

~

"Why do I keep needing you when I know I'll get hurt?"  - I NEED U by 방 탄 소 년 단

I couldn't sleep. I can't stop thinking about what Jin said a while ago.

"You just pity him."

There was this part of me that says that it's true but there was this part of me that doesn't want to believe.

What Jin said to me was so shocking. I didn't know that he was that observant.

But do I really love Jungkook?

I started feeling guilty. He thinks I love him. But I actually.. pity him. I thought I loved him.

Jin knew me than I know myself. Didn't know he had a very smart way of understanding things.

"Don't you deny it. We both know that you still love him. You're just saying that you don't because you don't see him."

I squeezed the cup of coffee in my hands as I stared outside my window, looking at the stars feeling satisfied.

Do I still love him? My eyes suddenly felt moist.

I started crying. "I hate this." I muttered under my breath as I stared at the smoke, flowing out of my cup.

I hate that there was this part of me that I still can't let go of him. I hate that there was this part of me that he still have.

He still has my heart.

I love him. I freaking love him. He's the only guy I will ever love, again.

I'm so sorry Jungkook.

My eyes suddenly felt heavy. I thought I couldn't sleep.

"I don't think his lying though.. I think he's pretending."

I clenched my fists. Pretending? Pretending what? Why would he pretend?

I'm confused as fuck. First, V tells me to wait for me for a month and I shouldn't answer Jungkook yet.

Second, he tells me that he cares for me yet he hurts me everyday.

Third, he sends me a message that says 'The girl I left'. So that does mean that he left me but does he even know that he had me?

Fourth, Jin tells me that he's pretending.

Can someone please explain this. Why would he pretend? The V I know wouldn't pretend just to hurt me.

Wait.

Is V and Athena pretending only? Is that what Jin means?

What...? Why would they pretend? Why Athena out of all girls? I don't understand this.

I rubbed the sides of my head and closed my eyes for a second.

Questions roamed around my mind as I dazed off, staring at the sky as the stars twinkled.

"Ree."

I almost jumped. The voice surprised me. It's currently midnight and if someone called my name, I'd probbably creeped out.

I turned towards my door and held my heart.

"Mom."

There was this sudden awkwardness that wrapped around us, making me tighten my grip on my cup.

"Why aren't you sleeping yet?"

I glanced away and bit my lip. "I can't." I said coldly, sipping some of my coffee as I felt that she moved.

I turned back to her and she sat on my bed, staring at me.

"How are you?" She asked, smiling a bit as she tucked some strands of her hair behind her ear.

I raised a brow. "Do you even care?" I sighed, frowning.

"Ree-"

"I'm fine." I answered coldly, clenching my fists as I frowned.

"We both know you're not." She said as I felt her moving again. When I turned to her, she was walking towards me.

I pressed my lips together. Having a heart-to-heart talk with my mom is really awkward.

She sat infront of me as I avoided his stare, staring at my cup.

"How's V?"

I finally turned to her. A small smirk appearing on my lips. "Since when did you decide to care?" I spat, scoffing.

"Because I'm your mom."

"My mom?" I laughed bitterly. "I have no mother." I groaned, glaring at her.

"Ree, don't do this-"

"I thought giving birth was being a mother. I was wrong." I muttered, standing up and placing my cup on my desk as I decided to head towards my bed.

"I'm sorry."

My eyes started to water again so I quickly jumped into my bed, wrapping myself with my blanket.

I just listened to her talk. I didn't dare to speak.

"I'm sorry that I changed."

I bit my lip as I tried to sleep. "Everything became a mess ever since your dad died-"

I frowned and sat up, giving her a glare. "Stop blaming everything to dad!" I yelled, receiving a shocked expression from her.

"It's all your fault! You had another guy!" I yelled as tears kept flowing down my cheeks.

It was a sunny day when my dad and I were at the garden, playing as we waited for mom. Until dad received that phone call.

My mom was with another guy. That's why she would always come home late, that's why she would always go early.

Because of that my dad had a heart attack. I was just 10 years old as that scene played on mind. I couldn't do anything. I just called and waited as I watch him suffer on the ground.

I was panting as I squeezed the blankets that covered me.

"I didn't have another guy." She spoke, making me turn to her.

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"I was meeting up with.. people."

"People?" I asked, looking at her confusedly.

I was panting uncontrollably. My heart was pounding and my stomach is flipping. I'm scared.

I'm scared to her answer.

I'm scared that I blamed everything towards my mother without even knowing the truth.

Is she finally going to tell me everything?

She glanced towards me and stared at the sky as a tear escaped her eyes, making my heart melt.

I hate my mom but when I see her cry, it breaks every single thing in my body.

"You were meeting up with whom?" I asked, as I wrapped my arms around myself.

She turned to me, giving me a smile. "I was meeting up with your father's other family."

*
Okay, BTS' comeback is amazing. They slay so effing hard. What's your favorite song/s? Mine is I NEED U (of course) and 쩔어 (this song gave me all the feels because beat is fucking sick, I feel like I'm listening to EDM ;-;). Comment yours!

Don't forget to message or comment me if you want me to read your story and give a review about it. Okay? Let's help each other!

Love you! ;*