Uncontrollable Heart Book 2 (Poetry) (Journaling)

Entry 66: Only A Child Is Loveable

See that's the cold hearted truth, parents, teens and even other children will always love you when your young but once you turn 10 and older they start to slowly forget all about you. It's like you start to blend into the background, they only call on you when they want something or feel lonely. They don't call on you because they actually miss you or love you, they don't really care for you they only see you as another simple nobody they can use to get affection and love from. They never seem to see you as their sibling anymore once you grow up, it's like your only an important friend or sibling when your 10 or younger. I always wondered why no one loved me, how my family could stop loving me so soon and without warning. I guess having seven kids and me being the middle one it was inevitable for me to become invisible. I was supposed to become a nobody I guess, I mean I'm just an extra character, I'm not a main character I don't think I ever was. It's like as soon as I was no longer a child I was invisible, I was unimportant, I was just another problem or an inconvenience when they were busy. It's like when I went looking for their affection or their love I stopped receiving it somewhere along the way. I guess people don't lie when they say others only adopt kids and never teenages and the simple reason why is because the adults can't baby them or try and grow up with them. It's like they think a kid older than 14 can no longer be babied, or worried about, or mad at or loved or taken care of anymore. It's like once your ten years of age they expect you to be able to take care of yourself because your no longer cute, no longer loveable and no longer wanted by them. I mean this is just my opinion, it's just how I've been made to feel, whether they knew they did this or made me feel this way doesn't matter anymore. I'm a grown up now, I'm 18 so why do I keep looking for approval, for acceptance, why do I keep looking to be loved and wanted when there's no point. I'm older now so of course they won't care about me, notice me, or want me anymore.