I'll break you (Dottore X Fem Reader)

~ 7 ~

Dottore's POV:

Well that was humiliating. Never again will I let that woman decide how we travel. If we'd taken carriage, I would've been protected. I wouldn't have had to live through that again...

A shiver ran down my spine as the memories of my childhood flashed like thunder behind my eyelids. My hands were still shaking, I was still shaken. And Y/N had seen it all. Like I said, utterly humiliating.

I expected her to mock me or pity me but all I got was that empty expression after she'd handed me the leather patch - which she had stolen, might I add. I suppose I was grateful. Heck I even thanked her, voluntarily. She didn't know how lucky she was that I didn't just slit her throat and leave her corpse drowning in the rain.

We were currently riding back to the palace, galloping through the forest's dirt path. My mind was clouded and confused. I was completely conflicted about my... feelings. Feelings were something I left behind a long time ago because they disgust me and take up too much space in my body. I need that space to come up with schemes and theories so it was a necessary sacrifice and it's done me so well so far. But now they were surfacing again.

Remnants of the nightmare had left their mark on me. My head hurt from the reminder and my jaw ached from clenching my teeth too hard. Not to mention the ever repeating image of Y/N's smile. That one wasn't my fault. I know for a fact she tampered with the Chamomile formula. How she could even identify the differences between my own customized concoctions was a mystery to me. Just like she herself was a mystery.

Upon waking up, I grabbed her aggressively. My heart ached in a strange way at the reminder of the moment. Was this what people called guilt? I didn't like it at all. I made a mental note to research how to delete it from my system.

Y/N rode quietly beside me, her breath coming out in puffs of steam in contrast to the cold air. The look of her soaked to the bone and shaking in the cold gave me an uncomfortable feeling. She'd lent me her jacket to protect me from the rain. Was she crazy? I couldn't understand her for the life of me. It almost seemed like she wanted to help me. That was obviously untrue because nobody could want to help me.

I didn't want to take my mask off in my waking but my mind was hurting and the sounds and smells were driving me crazy. I needed to clear my head and the rain helped soothe my burning eyes. I knew she was staring. I hated it. People hid their children from me even when my mask was on, I can't imagine the reaction they'd have upon seeing me without it.

The Devil's eyes. That's what they called them. The people of my hometown whispered and pointed at me like I was the living carnation of the devil with my 'terrorizing eyes and maniacal smile'. People couldn't even look at me unless I was wearing a mask. I couldn't bring myself to see her reaction. The scar didn't make it any better. I knew she disliked me just like everyone else but for some reason, it felt important that her impression of me didn't burn to the ground completely.

The utter bewilderment that hit me when Y/N looked me in the eye unafraid was massive. She even had the audacity to smile at me. I'm convinced she's an otherworldly creature because I can't find a single explanation to explain her perplexing behavior. In one morning, she held my hand twice and smiled in my presence twice. She's bloody insane.

I've decided that I absolutely hate her. I hate her for looking at me so gently, I hate her for touching me so obliviously and causing me to think about it until my head hurts, I hate her for not fearing me and I hate her for being in my head and driving me nuts. Despite all these many reasons I hated her, my eyes still wandered over to her as she rode across from me. Why did she always look so serene?

~~~

Y/N's POV:

The moment we stepped into the palace, I sneezed.