Better Than Drugs - Dabi x Reader

Chapter 31

Where the hell am I? It's dark and warm. I can't see anything around me. I can't hear anything, either. What's happening to me right now?

Where did my emotions go? I can't feel anything. The void in my chest isn't just in my chest. It's traveled its way to the pits of my stomach and into my head. Time doesn't exist to me. I'm not even sure if I'm alive right now. Not that it matters if I am or not.

What day is it? I don't know if it's day or night. The days are blending together as one big black out. Who was the last person I saw? When was the last time I even saw someone I cared about?

Nothing is happening in this moment. It's just darkness hugging my body. I'm lost right now. No one is around me to bring me down to Earth. I don't even know how high I am. Maybe I'm already dead and this is the afterlife.

If this is the afterlife, I never got to say goodbye. Not that it matters. I don't have anyone anymore. I haven't spoken to people in...weeks? Months? I don't remember. I don't know what month it is. Has Christmas already passed? Are we in the new year already?

Is this what I wanted? Did I live my life like I was suppose to? Did I love enough? Did I care enough? Did I do everything right before I died? Did I tighten all the lose ends? Did I actually enjoy life?

Enjoy life...Did I really do that? For the last four years of my life, I have been nothing but drunk. Now I'm here. High or dead. Did I say enough? To Zion? To Hawks? To Dabi?

Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. There wasn't much people could do to save me. I couldn't even save myself. Drugs and alcohol was my only escape from these emotions and episodes. It was all so confusing to me. Never in my life had I struggled so much with emotions. High school was bad, but everyone reassured me my emotions would be stable. So why haven't they?

Oh yeah, it's because of Bipolar Disorder. At least that's what the doctor said. Was my brain fucked from the beginning? What the hell happened in my life for my brain to be like this? Was it too much to ask for to be normal?

I opened my eyes and I was met with the ceiling. My ceiling. I was met with warm bedsheets around my body. Air filled my lungs and my heart was beating in my ears. Birds were chirping outside and my phone alarm was going off. I couldn't move, though. I was stuck.

I couldn't lift a finger. I really wanted to shut off my arm. My mind was screaming for me to have silence, but my body wouldn't let me. It felt like forever until I was able to lift my hand and reach to my nightstand. I grabbed my phone and turned off my alarm. I decided to check the date.

December 12. 9:45 a.m.

Tomorrow was my final day for exams, I think. The semester was basically over. I was home free from doing schoolwork and I get to stay high all I want. I decided to take online classes for the next semester. There's no point of going in person when I can't drive normally. I wake up high and I go to bed high. This is an everyday thing now.

My phone started ringing and I looked at the caller ID. It was Dabi. I let the phone ring instead of declining the call. I didn't want him to know I was awake. I haven't talked with him in a while and I didn't feel like talking to him.

Hawks has also tried to reach out to me, but I haven't responded. The phone stopped ringing then I turned on my side. I thought back to that darkness I was in. How warm everything was. How the void in me was consuming more of my being.

Morphine is one hell of a drug.

My phone started ringing again. I checked who it was and it was Dabi again. I let it ring. If someone went through my phone, my call log would be full of red names from the only two people that have bothered to reach out to me. My unread messages were high in the double digits. I had some messages and calls from numbers I didn't recognize. The messages consisted of "Call Dabi when you can" and "Are you okay?"